


No Aphrodisiac

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Romance, Series: Nothing Lasts Forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-07-31
Updated: 1999-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-10 14:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11128998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Cat Madden visits Chicago for Christmas, with interesting consequences as she tries to get Ben and Phil together.  Ray gets comfort from an unexpected source.   This story is a sequel toDistractions.





	No Aphrodisiac

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

No Aphrodisiac

 

 

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans.  
The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the  
creation of this story. Phil and TJ McKenzie belong to SL Haas and are  
used in this story with her permission. Cat Madden belongs to me. No  
infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other  
copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published  
for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to  
be reproduced for profit.  
  
Rated R for swearing, adult situations and mild sex scenes - m/f and  
original characters  
  
Lyrics from No Aphrodisiac, by the Whitlams, used without permission.  
  
No Aphrodisiac  
  
By Carol Trendall  
  
 _There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness  
  
Truth, beauty and a picture of you  
_  
Ray Vecchio was easy to spot in the crowded airport. Dressed  
in a stylish grey suit, he held a darker grey overcoat draped over one  
arm. He stood a head taller than most of the people around him. Even  
Cat Madden had to admit he was a striking man. She almost wished she  
liked him.  
  
She took a deep breath and headed towards him. It was never easy dealing  
with Ray and Cat needed to mentally prepare herself. Ray saw her at  
the same time and waited while she approached.  
  
"Hello, Ray." She smiled at him. "It's nice to see you  
again." Cat held out her hand and Ray shook it, mumbling a greeting  
at her. "Thank you for meeting me, it really wasn't necessary.  
I could have caught a cab."  
  
She **was** grateful. Everyone in the western world seemed to have  
come to Chicago for Christmas and Cat knew the taxi queue would be miles  
long.  
  
"Fraser asked me to," Ray responded curtly. "I'm here  
because he asked me to."  
  
He reached out his hand to take her pack but Cat picked it up first,  
not wanting to trouble him any further. It was clear she was inconveniencing  
him just by being there.  
  
"It's OK, I can carry it."  
  
"Yeah, I forgot, you're one of those **independent** types...."  
Ray turned and started to walk out of the building.  
  
Cat stared after him in amazement, shaking her head. It seemed that  
no matter what she did it was sure to be wrong. Eventually she followed  
him to the green Buick Riviera parked outside.  
  
Ray opened the trunk and Cat threw her pack in before Ray could offer  
to do it for her. He moved around the car and bent to unlock the passenger  
door.  
  
"You wanna do this?" he asked in a sarcastic tone.  
  
Cat sighed. She had tried to be civil but it looked like she was wasting  
her time. "You know, this is one of the reasons I'm glad I was  
born Canadian. At least we have manners."  
  
"And not much else," Ray threw at her as he walked to his side  
of the car and got in.  
  
Cat stared at the space where Ray had just been, took a deep breath,  
then opened the car door and got in.  
  
Once they were in the traffic making their way to the consulate, Cat  
turned to face Ray.  
  
"Ray, let's be honest with each other...."  
  
"Suits me," he answered, looking at the road ahead.  
  
Cat stared at the dashboard as she spoke, "I know we don't really  
get along, but we're stuck with each other. So, I think we need to make  
an effort." She looked at Ray again and continued in a firm voice,  
"For Ben."  
  
Ray threw a look of distaste her way. "Benny's my friend. I ain't  
gonna do nuthin' to hurt him. How we get along is up to you."  
  
Cat opened her mouth to speak, but decided it would be more prudent to  
say nothing. The conversation was in danger of going round in circles.  
Ray was truly the most infuriating man she had ever met.  
  
She sighed and rested her head back against the headrest, closing her  
eyes as she did. Now that she was away from Canada, Cat just wanted  
to relax. She didn't want to think any more. Ignoring Ray seemed a  
good place to start.  
  
Ray let out a long breath and relaxed his shoulders. He didn't know  
why he found this woman so annoying. After all, she had known Fraser  
for the better part of twenty years and he knew how discerning the Mountie  
was. She must have **some** good points.  
  
He sneaked a sideways glance at Cat and saw she had closed her eyes and  
was resting her head back against the seat. Fraser had mentioned she  
was coming to Chicago for a rest and, now that he could study her without  
danger of being yelled at, he had to admit that she did look tired.   
He'd noticed her drawn look as she strode through the airport earlier.  
  
He looked back at the road for a second and then sneaked another look  
at his passenger, who appeared to be asleep now. _Not really pretty,_  
he thought to himself, _but attractive nonetheless._ His gaze drifted  
over soft brown hair that fell past her shoulders and full, almost pouting  
lips. Ray shook himself. What was he thinking? This was Sergeant Cathy  
Madden of the Cutting Remark, almost a match for the Dragon Lady and  
that meant 'don't even think about it'.  
  
  
  
"Turnbull, this is not what I asked for!" Inspector Thatcher's  
voice drifted down the corridor as Cat and Ray stepped out of the elevator.  
  
"That's the Dragon Lady's dulcet tones you hear. I don't know how  
Benny puts up with her. I wanna pop her every time I walk in the building."  
Ray spoke naturally to Cat before he realised what he was doing.  
  
"Thatcher?" Cat asked, eyes widening with interest.  
  
"You know her?"  
  
"Unfortunately, yes." Cat's tone gave away her feelings about  
the woman.  
  
Ray turned and half-smiled at her. _'So she hates Thatcher as well'_ ,  
he acknowledged as they rounded the corner to where the woman herself  
stood. _That, at least, is one good point_.  
  
"Afternoon, Inspector!" Ray called in mock joviality as he  
and Cat strode past her towards Ben's office.  
  
"Detective Vecchio," Thatcher replied in a monotone, without  
looking up.  
  
At first Cat thought to ignore the other woman and not greet her, but  
her naughty side got the better of her.  
  
"Hello, Inspector," Cat spoke in her 'addressing the troops'  
voice.  
  
Meg Thatcher's head snapped up when she heard the voice. Only Cat saw  
the panic flit across her face.  
  
"Oh, um, hello, um..... I'm sorry..." Meg made 'I don't  
remember your name' motions with her left hand.  
  
Cat stepped closer. "Madden, Cathy Madden." The air between  
the two women bristled with electricity.  
  
"Yes, of course." Meg smiled briefly, then shifted uncomfortably  
and stepped backwards. "How are you, Constable?"  
  
"Fine, thank you." Cat gave her a saccharine smile. "And  
I've been a Sergeant for six years."  
  
"Of course." Meg looked at her like a cat approaching its prey  
and leaned a little closer. "Where is it you're posted?"  
  
Ray looked back and forth between the two women, faintly amused by their  
word play. When Cat implied that she and Thatcher did not get on, he  
hadn't expected **this**.  
  
"Moose Jaw."  
  
"Of course." Meg shot Cat a victorious look. "It's a small  
post, isn't it?"  
  
"15 Constables, 5 Sergeants." Cat smiled and gave Meg a look  
that was even more victorious. "But it **is** in Canada."  
  
Meg Thatcher shifted her weight from side to side, stalling, obviously  
trying to change the subject. "So what brings you here?"  
  
"I'm on vacation. I'm here to spend the holidays with Ben."  
  
"Fraser? I had no idea you knew each other."  
  
Cat wondered how Thatcher expected her to believe that. There was no  
way Meg could have forgotten that night in Regina over 16 years earlier.  
Ben refused to talk about what had happened that night, but Cat and Bob  
laughed about it for years afterwards. The memory still made her chuckle.  
But now was not the time. Cat smiled at Meg, playing along with her.  
  
"Oh yes, we've known each other for about 17 years now. We're  
more like family really. I was posted with his father."  
  
"Yes, of course." Meg breathed a sigh of relief, realising  
that Cat was not going to bring up **that** night. "What was  
his name?"  
  
"Fraser, Bob Fraser." Cat fought the urge to say something  
wiseass, like Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse. She wondered how stupid Meg  
Thatcher thought she was. Cat doubted that she could have forgotten  
Bob Fraser or that fateful night in Regina.  
  
"Yes, of course."  
  
Ray chuckled to himself as he watched Cat and Meg's display, thinking  
that if he didn't dislike them both so much he might have been turned  
on. Eventually he spoke, "Sorry to interrupt old home week ladies,  
but Benny's been off duty now for...." he checked his watch somewhat  
overdramatically, ".....seven minutes. Do you think we can get  
a move on?"  
  
Meg and Cat muttered farewells at each other then Ray led the way to  
Ben's office.  
  
"So she hates you too?" Ray asked, a grin threatening to spread  
on his face.  
  
"Oh yeah, she hates me big time."  
  
"Sounds like you two got a history?"  
  
"We've got a history alright..... it's a long story."  
  
Ray was thinking that maybe it was a story he'd like to hear some day.  
Instead he said, "Let me guess, it takes exactly two hours to tell?"  
  
Cat looked at him, thinking that not only was he infuriating, but he  
was crazy too. It wasn't until much later, when she stopped thinking  
about how much she disliked Ray, that Cat realised he had been referring  
to Ben's habit of taking two hours to tell a story.  
  
  
An hour later, Ray dropped Cat and Ben at his apartment, but refused  
to come up with them. Cat was relieved; she'd already seen more of Ray  
than she cared to.  
  
"I see you redecorated," Cat said, entering the apartment that  
had barely changed in the year since she was there last.  
  
"Well I did buy an armchair..." Ben's voice trailed off as  
he caught sight of Cat's grin. "Are you mocking me?"  
  
"Never," she grinned in reply, tossing her pack onto the aforementioned  
chair.  
  
Ben's eyes twinkled as he approached her, holding out his arms for a  
hug. "You and Ray are more alike than you realise."  
  
Cat threw him a look of reproach, softened by a gentle smile and stepped  
into his outstretched arms.  
  
"It's nice to be here with you, Ben."  
  
He kissed the top of her head. "And it's nice to have you here in  
my apartment. You know, I wouldn't have been offended if you chose to  
stay in a hotel."  
  
Cat pulled back and looked at her friend, "I want to stay here with  
you. But...."  
  
"Ah, **but**...." Ben teased her.  
  
"But, I'm not sleeping on that dreadful plank you call a bed. I  
want the bedroll on the floor." She put up a hand to stop his protest.  
"I've brought my sleeping bag and I'll use the bedroll. I'll be  
very comfortable."  
  
Ben cast her a serious look. "Well, it's probably a good thing,  
Cat. You know you have a tendency to take up a **lot** of bed. You'd  
probably only fall out anyway...." He was smiling broadly by the  
time he finished speaking.  
  
"May I remind you, Ben, the only time I fell out of bed, **you**  
fell out as well." Cat grinned at her friend and watched as he  
too remembered that night. "And neither of us were asleep."  
  
Ben threw back his head and laughed. He remembered well the night to  
which Cat referred. A very active bout of lovemaking had bounced them  
both out of bed and onto the floor. Cat joined in his laughter. Eventually  
he took her hand and led her towards the bed. When they sat side by  
side he spoke, "In all the years I've known you, Cat, I have never  
seen you look more exhausted. Are you ill?" There was no other  
way to broach the subject and Ben didn't try to find one.  
  
"Ill?" Cat looked surprised. "No, I'm fine, Ben. Do I  
look that bad?"  
  
"No, you're as beautiful as ever." Cat smiled, if anyone else  
had said it she would have laughed. "It's just that you seem....."  
  
"Tired, Ben. I'm tired, that's all," Cat finished for him.  
  
The expression on her face stopped him from asking any more questions.  
Cat was one of the most stubborn people Ben knew, next to Phil. He quickly  
shuffled that thought to the back of his mind. Why was he suddenly thinking  
of Phil?  
  
  
  
"Ben there really isn't any need to walk me all the way. I **am**  
capable of finding my way around, or have you forgotten that I'm a Mountie?"  
Cat teased her friend the next day as they left the Consulate and headed  
towards the mall where she had arranged to meet Phil McKenzie. All morning  
she'd tried to deter Ben from escorting her, but he was adamant.  
  
"I know you can find your way around, probably better than anyone  
in this city, in fact. But I am concerned about your safety." Ben  
slipped into protective mode. "You see, Cat, I've lived here for  
two years now and I know the dangers of these streets...."  
  
"There it is." Cat pointed when she saw the sign. "I'll  
be fine now, Ben." She cast a nervous glance in the direction of  
the mall they approached. "You go back to work and I'll see you  
tonight."  
  
They were only a short distance away from the building. Cat fervently  
hoped that Phil was already inside.  
  
"You will come to the Consulate to meet me afterwards, though won't  
you?"  
  
"Yes, yes of course." Cat tried to hurry him on his way.  
  
They said their goodbyes and Cat watched as Ben crossed the street and  
headed back to his office. Behind her, a taxi pulled to a halt. A  
tall, slender woman carrying a green woollen overcoat and a briefcase  
leapt from the taxi and dashed towards the entrance. She caught sight  
of Cat as she did so.  
  
"Cat!"  
  
Cat turned in time to see Phil wave at her. Cat gave a final, nervous  
look in Ben's direction, but he was too far away to hear the call. She  
smiled and rushed to greet her friend.  
  
"Phil. It's good to see you." The two women hugged, laughing  
all the while.  
  
"I'm sorry I'm late, Cat, but my meeting went much longer than I  
thought."  
  
"It's OK, I just got here."  
  
"I'm starved. Let's eat. There's a great place just inside."  
  
  
"So is the reason you're in Chicago 'Top Secret'?" Phil grinned  
at Cat as she tucked into a plate of pasta.  
  
Cat smiled nervously. She had already lied to Phil about the reason  
she was in Chicago and she didn't like doing it. She justified it by  
reminding herself she was doing it for Ben and Phil. She had told Phil  
there was something she had been asked to take care of at the Consulate  
and left it at that.  
  
"Something like that." Cat groaned inwardly, thinking it sounded  
pretty lame. She would have to do some creative thinking about what  
else she would tell Phil.  
  
Phil waved her fork. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. You're here.  
I'm just glad I have a chance to spend some time with you."  
  
"Me too. I'm lucky you can fit me into your schedule."  
  
"Well I have you to thank for that. Since you sent Mark to me,  
my life has suddenly become so much easier."  
  
Months before, when Phil told her about the extra work BakTrak had picked  
up, Cat had sent her friend Mark Kehr, an oceanographer, to see her.  
Phil was impressed and hired him immediately.  
  
Cat smiled. "Lucky I did. Otherwise you may not have had any time  
for me at all."  
  
Phil smiled at Cat's reference to the increase in her workload since  
the development of Jeff Bowers 'Team Building' packages.  
  
"There's always time for you, Cat." Phil's expression changed  
to a smirk. "Will you be seeing TJ?"  
  
Cat grinned back. "You bet."  
  
Phil smiled. TJ had told her that he and Cat would not be pursuing a  
relationship, but a sister could always hope.  
  
"You should join us for dinner Christmas Eve."  
  
Cat shifted uncomfortably. Ray's mother had already insisted that she  
and Ben join the Vecchio family for dinner on Christmas Eve.  
  
"Well, actually, someone at the Consulate has already made plans  
for me Christmas Eve," Cat replied, pleased with her ingenuity.  
She wasn't even lying.  
  
Phil shrugged. "Christmas lunch then? We're having it at Rob and  
Beth's this year."  
  
"Oh, I don't know....." Cat was a bit alarmed. How would she  
explain it to Ben? "This is a time for families, Phil. I don't  
want to be any trouble."  
  
"It's no trouble. We'd love to have you. Unless the Consulate has  
something better planned for you?" Phil teased, "They've probably  
got you in some fancy hotel, with hot and cold running waiters and you  
prefer that to a quiet McKenzie family lunch...."  
  
"Phil, I hardly think any McKenzie family gathering would be **quiet**......"  
Cat teased back.  
  
"Well, maybe **quiet** isn't the right word.....Come on, Cat,  
what do you say?"  
  
Cat looked across the table at Phil's crooked smile and couldn't say  
no. She'd figure out something to tell Ben.  
  
  
When lunch was over, the two women went shopping. With no arm-twisting,  
Phil was able to convince Cat to visit a lingerie store she had discovered.  
Since Cat had introduced Phil to the joys of fancy underwear, she had  
visited the store regularly. It also wasn't hard to convince Cat to  
buy herself a few new items of lingerie.  
  
Now that Cat had agreed to Christmas lunch with the McKenzies, she had  
some extra shopping to do. With Phil's assistance she selected gifts;  
a CD by a modern classical composer for Rob and a turquoise silk scarf  
for Beth. She already had gifts for Phil and TJ nestled safely at the  
bottom of her pack.  
  
It was well past four o'clock by the time they finished and Cat knew  
Ben would be concerned. Phil insisted on dropping her at the Consulate  
by taxi and Cat couldn't find a way to refuse.  
  
When they pulled up, Cat checked surreptitiously to see that Ben wasn't  
on sentry duty. She relaxed a little when she saw Turnbull's face.   
The two women said their goodbyes and Cat hurried out of the taxi, eager  
for Phil to be on her way. She didn't know when Ben might appear.  
  
Phil waved at her from the back seat. Cat returned the wave as the taxi  
pulled away and then spun around to enter the Consulate. She was startled  
to see Ben coming down the steps towards her.  
  
"Ben!" Cat hoped he hadn't noticed her waving at the taxi.  
  
"Cat. I'm glad you're back. I was beginning to worry."  
  
"Sorry. The time just got away from me." She held up her  
bags of shopping as evidence.  
  
"You're here now." He smiled.  
  
Cat wondered how she was going to survive her vacation. She had been  
in Chicago for a mere 24 hours and already Ben and Phil had had two close  
shaves.  
  
  
Cat was nervous about Ben's choice of restaurant. The route took them  
dangerously close to Phil's apartment. After two near misses in one  
day, Cat was beginning to wonder if coming to Chicago was a wise decision.  
She was supposed to relax, but instead her heart pounded and her palms  
were sweaty. She found herself constantly scanning the faces of people  
on the sidewalk and steering Ben away from anyone who was even vaguely  
Phil-shaped.  
  
"I assure you, Cat, it **is** worth the extra walk." Ben  
smiled at her as they walked. "The food is excellent, the servings  
hearty and the price very reasonable. Ray and I eat here regularly."  
  
Cat relaxed a little. If Ben ate there regularly and hadn't run into  
Phil so far, the chances of it happening tonight were slim. "As  
long as they don't serve that greasy fried shit, I'll be happy."  
  
Ben frowned at Cat's language, but didn't say anything.  
  
  
Cat was unable to relax during dinner. Twice she saw someone whom she  
thought was Phil and her heart leapt into her throat. She was making  
herself crazy. Ben stared at her throughout the meal, wondering what  
was going on. He didn't miss Cat's nervous, distracted behaviour.  
  
It wasn't until they were preparing for bed that Ben pressed her. "You  
seem so distracted, Cat. Are you **sure** you're OK?"  
  
Cat crossed the room and hugged him. "I'm fine, Ben. I've only been  
here for one day. I haven't had time to relax yet." She smiled  
at him and moved away to the bedroll.  
  
"Are you still concerned about Marchand?"  
  
"No, not really. He's going to be fine." For a moment Cat  
stopped, then she sighed and sat down on the floor. Ben sat on the bed  
and watched her. "So much has happened this year, Ben. You wait,  
I'll be a different person soon."  
  
He smiled at her, but he was not convinced. There was more to Cat's  
moods than she was letting on.  
  
  
At midnight Cat found herself wide-awake. She turned her head and looked  
at Ben, who was deep in sleep. She had watched him sleep so many times  
over the years and never had she seen him like this. Even in slumber  
he did not look happy. She wondered how often he dreamed of Phil these  
days.  
  
With a deep sigh, she turned over. It wasn't right that she was the  
one awake worrying about Ben and Phil. She curled into a foetal position  
and willed herself back to sleep.  
  
A pretty child wearing a scarlet dress stepped carefully across the floor.  
Her long dark hair swept across her face as she kneeled down close to  
Cat's head. Dief looked up for a moment, wondering whom the nocturnal  
visitor could be. The child looked his way and smiled. Dief felt safe.  
He rested his muzzle on his paws and fell asleep.  
  
The child leaned over Cat and whispered in her ear, "Please help  
me."  
  
Cat groaned and turned over.  
  
"You know what you have to do," the child said.  
  
"No. I can't," Cat mumbled.  
  
"You must help me mend the bond that was broken."  
  
"I can't. I've tried." Cat spoke out loud.  
  
Ben stirred in his sleep.  
  
"You have to try harder," the child persisted.  
  
"Phil is too stubborn," Cat said, turning over again.  
  
Ben rolled over onto his back, suddenly awake. Did he hear Phil's name?  
  
"You have to do this. I cannot rest until the bond is mended."  
  
Something about the child's voice scared Cat and she screamed out loud.  
"No!"  
  
Ben sat upright when he heard Cat cry out. He was at her side in a heartbeat.  
  
"Cat!" He shook her gently. "Wake up! What's wrong?"  
  
Cat's eyelids shot open and she stared at him with unseeing eyes.  
  
"Cat, please. What happened?"  
  
She started to shake and Ben gathered her into his arms. Cat burst into  
tears. Ben sat on the cold floor and pulled her to his chest, rocking  
her gently as he did. "It's just a dream. You're safe," he  
whispered into her hair.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ben." Cat said into his chest. "I keep having  
bad dreams."  
  
"It's OK."  
  
Cat's heart pounded. She couldn't tell Ben about her dreams of his child.  
All she could do was let him think she was having faceless nightmares.  
Ben continued to rock her, whispering soothing words into her hair until  
she stopped crying.  
  
"Now what's going on, Cat?" Ben asked gently, once she calmed  
down.  
  
Cat had her answer prepared this time. It wasn't exactly a lie, just  
a stretching of the truth. "I've had bad dreams for some time now.  
They started around the time of the Beaudoin incident. Remember I told  
you about the child?"  
  
Ben nodded. Cat called him on Mr Mustafi's phone the day after Nicola  
Beaudoin was taken to the hospital. He remembered how rattled she sounded.  
Maybe that's all it was about.  
  
"You **would** tell me if something was wrong?" Ben asked.  
  
Cat pulled away from him and smiled. "Of course I would. I'm OK,  
really."  
  
Ben wasn't convinced. He reached behind him and pulled the blankets  
off his bed. "I'll lay here with you until you go to sleep."  
  
Cat started to protest, but Ben pulled her to him again and dragged her  
back to the floor. She gave up and let him fold his long legs protectively  
around her. Ben's solid warmth at her back soothed her and soon they  
were both sound asleep.  
  
On the other side of the room the child in the scarlet dress surveyed  
the scene.  
  
Bob Fraser appeared suddenly. "Lindy, there you are. Come away  
at once," he said firmly to the child.  
  
"But Grandpa...." she protested.  
  
"We must go slowly, child. Cathy will do what she can. Your father  
and mother are very stubborn people." He took her hand and led  
her away.  
  
  
Cat's second day in Chicago proved to be a much easier one. After the  
near misses with Ben and Phil the previous day, followed by a restless  
night, she was relieved.  
  
Over the days leading up to Christmas Eve, Meg Thatcher, possibly motivated  
by Cat's presence in Chicago, made sure that Ben worked as many hours  
as possible. Cat used this to her advantage where Phil and TJ were concerned  
and spent her days with them whenever she could. There was even one  
evening where Ben agreed to help Ray with a case, leaving Cat free to  
have dinner with TJ and not have to make up a story to tell Ben.  
  
Cat managed to make it through the final three days before Christmas  
Eve without Ben and Phil's path crossing as dangerously as they had on  
that first day.  
  
  
  
Silvia Vecchio greeted her guests at the door. She was curious to see  
the woman Benton Fraser was bringing to Christmas dinner with her family.  
Whilst Ray hung their coats in the closet, Ben made the introductions.  
Mrs Vecchio greeted them warmly and Cat, aware of the older woman's scrutiny,  
was pleased with her choice of outfits. She was dressed simply in a  
black turtleneck sweater and slim fitting pants, with a silver Navajo  
pendant around her neck. Her shoulder length hair was pulled neatly  
into a french braid and tied at the end with a black bow. Mrs Vecchio  
smiled approvingly and ushered them into the living room.  
  
Seated around the room were Maria and Tony, and of course, Francesca.  
Again Ben made the introductions. When Francesca sidled up to Ben, Cat  
bit back a smile. She had heard about Ray's ebullient sister, but nothing  
could have prepared her for the real thing. Francesca was barely dressed  
in a skin-tight scarlet velvet dress that left little to the imagination.  
It plunged dangerously low in front and when she sat down, rode up to  
reveal a substantial amount of thigh. Cat wasn't averse to showing a  
little thigh. In fact, she loved Francesca's dress and owned similar  
outfits herself. Cat thought Francesca an attractive woman, but she  
knew that Ben's terror of Ray's sister far outweighed any attraction  
he might feel.  
  
When they were finally seated around the dinner table Francesca made  
sure she was next to Ben, leaving the only seat for Cat on the opposite  
side of the table. This did not go unnoticed by Mrs Vecchio, who laid  
a firm hand on her daughter's shoulder.  
  
"Francesca, I'm sure Benton wants to sit next to Cathy."  
  
Before Francesca could reply, Cat spoke. "Oh, I'm fine here Mrs  
Vecchio." The look Ben shot her made her instantly regret speaking.  
She knew Ben did not want to sit next to Ray's sister.  
  
"No, I insist." Sylvia addressed her daughter, "Francesca!"  
  
Francesca rolled her eyes and moved around the table to swap seats with  
Cat, shooting her a challenging glance as she did so. _'Will the whole  
evening be like this?'_ Cat wondered as she and Francesca settled  
into their new seats.  
  
Finally, Mrs Vecchio took her seat and signalled to Ray to pour the wine.  
When everyone had a glass in their hands, she rose to her feet and waited  
until she had the attention of everyone around the table.  
  
"I want to make the toast, Raymondo," she announced, like a  
true matriarch.  
  
"Sure, Ma."  
  
She raised her glass in the air and said, "I'd like to drink a toast  
to not being alone for the holidays. To being with someone you love."  
  
With her glass, she indicated to Cat and then to Ben. The rest of the  
table muttered their toast and sipped at their wine. Ben blushed. Cat  
was touched. She knew Ben had spent his first Christmas alone in Chicago  
and for the Vecchio family to include them both this year warmed her  
heart.  
  
Feeling the tingle of someone's gaze, Cat noticed out of the corner of  
her eye that Francesca cast menacing looks in her direction. She turned  
to face her, smiling broadly until Francesca looked away. Cat turned  
her attention to Mrs Vecchio and complimented her on the fine spread  
she had prepared.  
  
"Well don't just look at it, eat up!" Mrs Vecchio responded.  
  
The family, all at once, began grabbing at dishes and heaping things  
onto their plates, all talking together.  
  
"Benton, try the polenta, I made it." Francesca stood and leaned  
across the table to help Ben to some polenta, artfully displaying her  
cleavage. Blushing furiously, Ben had difficulty finding somewhere to  
look that wasn't attached to Ray's sister.  
  
"If you lean over any further, Frannie, he's gonna get more than  
polenta on his plate," Ray snapped at his sister.  
  
Cat hid her smile behind her napkin, meeting Ray's eyes as she did.   
He looked away, not wanting to share her mirth.  
  
"You're a pig, Ray." Francesca pouted at her brother as she  
sat down again.  
  
"Francesca!" Mrs Vecchio spoke softly, but her warning was  
evident.  
  
For a while Francesca was silent. Ben found Cat's hand under the table  
and squeezed. She gave him a sideways smile and squeezed his hand in  
return, wondering how he would get through the rest of the evening.  
  
  
Silvia Vecchio was the perfect hostess. The meal was delicious and she  
kept the conversation flowing easily, reining Francesca in every time  
her flirtation became too blatant. The performance made Cat chuckle  
to herself on several occasions. The fact that every other member of  
the family ignored Francesca made Cat realise that this was a regular  
occurrence. In all the years she had known Ben, Cat had never seen him  
blush so frequently and consistently. She rescued him when she could,  
but Cat had to admit that Francesca Vecchio was good. She knew more  
ways to offer herself than even Cat would have thought possible.  
  
When the main course was finished and it was time to clear the dishes  
away, everyone lent a hand in taking them to the kitchen. On her way  
into the kitchen, Cat found Francesca pressing Ben up against the bench  
in a pretence at reaching something behind him. Ben's hands were full  
of plates and he was unable to reach the item she sought.  
  
"I'm sorry, Benton, it's just behind you. The black sugar bowl."  
Francesca pushed further against him  
  
"Ah...I ...." Ben stuttered, turning a beet red.  
  
Cat narrowed her eyes and leaned around the pair, snagging the black  
sugar bowl that Francesca sought. She pressed it into the other woman's  
hand.  
  
"Thank you so very much." She glared at Cat just as Mrs Vecchio  
entered the kitchen.  
  
Cat smiled at her. Francesca turned on her heel and stomped back into  
the dining room.  
  
"Ah, Benton, let me take those plates from you." Mrs Vecchio  
wasn't stupid. She knew what had happened. "Cathy, dear, please  
take the dessert into the dining room. Benton and I will stack the dishwasher."  
  
Cat took up the dessert and carried it back towards the dining room,  
feeling perversely victorious at having beat Francesca at her own game.  
As she rounded the corner, she caught the tail end of a conversation  
between brother and his sister.  
  
"Well why did you invite her then, Ray?"  
  
"I didn't. Ma did. Take it up with her."  
  
"You better make sure you sit next to her this time."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, as long as you promise to shut up."  
  
Cat made a noise and instantly the conversation ended. A second later,  
the rest of the Vecchio clan flowed into the dining room, carrying the  
dessert bowls and cutlery. Everyone resumed their seats and Ray sat  
down next to Cat as promised. Ben shot Cat a look of despair when he  
realised he had been out manoeuvred. The only remaining chair was next  
to Francesca. Mrs Vecchio glared at her daughter as she served the  
dessert, but Francesca was too busy rubbing up against Ben to notice.  
Mrs Vecchio returned her attention to Cat, slapping a large portion of  
dessert in front of her.  
  
"You're a good healthy eater, not like my daughters. I keep telling  
them 'if you don't eat you don't sh....."  
  
"Ma!" Ray cut his mother off in time to stop her completing  
the graphic proverb.  
  
"It's true, Raymondo!" Mrs Vecchio waved her spoon at her son.  
  
"Well, I only take small portions because I'm watching my figure,"  
Francesca responded, casting yet another nasty look Cat's way.  
  
"Yeah, someone's gotta," Ray mused under his breath.  
  
Cat bit back a chuckle. Francesca should have seen that one coming.  
  
"Ha! Watching your figure. Look at Cathy. She has a big appetite  
and she has a lovely figure." With that she thrust a large serving  
in front of her daughter.  
  
Cat smiled sweetly at Francesca.  
  
Mrs Vecchio addressed Ben next, "So how come you've been hiding  
Cathy from us all this time Benton? I never even knew you had a girlfriend."  
  
"Oh, Cat and I aren't ......" His voice trailed off as he realised  
the error in his admission.  
  
Francesca didn't miss a thing. She looked at Ben and then across at  
Cat and without breaking eye contact, moved her chair closer to the Mountie.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, how presumptuous of me." Mrs Vecchio gave Cat  
her full attention, smiling broadly. "So you're single?"  
  
"Yes, I guess I am," Cat replied, somewhat tentatively, wondering  
what Francesca's response might be. She needn't have worried; the younger  
Vecchio woman was not listening to anything Cat said.  
  
Mrs Vecchio only nodded at this new piece of information. She didn't  
speak. She was too busy making serious eye contact with her son.  
  
  
As the evening drew to a close and the group moved to the living room,  
Mrs Vecchio came and sat by Cat on the large overstuffed sofa.  
  
"I want to say something to you, Cathy." She smiled a maternal  
smile, "I think you should come and stay in my house."  
  
"Oh, Mrs Vecchio, that's a lovely offer, but I couldn't possibly  
impose."  
  
"Call me Silvia," she patted Cat's hand, "and it's not  
imposing."  
  
"I'm fine at Ben's place......."  
  
"No you're not. Listen, Francesca and I are going to Florida for  
a month in two days time and Maria and Tony are going to New York to  
visit Tony's family. The house will be empty, except for Ray, that is.  
He has to work. You can stay in my room where you'll be very comfortable.  
I've seen Benton's apartment and I think you would be happier here."  
  
"Mrs Vec..... Silvia, that's very generous but..."  
  
"No buts, I've decided."  
  
Cat gave up. A part of her was relieved. She was finding it difficult  
not to reveal to Ben and Phil that their heart's desire was only a few  
blocks away. This would be much easier.  
  
"Thank you, Silvia, I'd be delighted to take you up on your offer."  
  
Silvia Vecchio smiled happily to herself. Somewhere in the back of her  
mind she was already planning the wedding of her only son.  
  
  
During the drive home, Cat sat in the back seat and Ben in the passenger  
seat.  
  
"Hey, I'm sorry about my sister," Ray spoke into the cool night  
air.  
  
"Well, she did have her hand on my leg all through dessert, Ray,"  
Ben replied.  
  
"I don't mean you. You know what you're letting yourself in for  
every time you set foot in my house." He looked at Cat in the rear  
vision mirror and jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "I meant her."  
  
Ben turned in his seat to look at Cat, who stared at the back of Ray's  
head open-mouthed. She hadn't expected the apology. A minute passed  
before she could get any words out.  
  
"Oh, that's OK, Ray, I've been insulted better than that before."  
  
"Yeah, I can believe that," Ray replied, realising that he  
himself had said more insulting things about Cat than his sister had.  
  
"Now, Ray, you promised...." Ben scolded.  
  
"Sorry." Ray snorted, "I guess I better get used to it,  
now that you're gonna be living in my house."  
  
"Ray, if it makes you uncomfortable, I'll stay with Ben."  
  
"No, no, don't worry about me. I'll be workin' anyways." Ray  
was already planning to ask for extra shifts. Hell, he'd even work unpaid  
overtime if it kept him away from The Sergeant.  
  
  
Things worked out well for Christmas lunch and Cat didn't have to tell  
lies to anyone. Cat's presence in Chicago, coupled with Meg Thatcher's  
bitterness over the failed relationship attempt with Ben, combined to  
make the Inspector more obstructive than usual. Thatcher saw to it that  
Ben was rostered to work Christmas Day, leaving Cat alone. Cat declined  
an invitation from Silvia Vecchio, insisting that she would not intrude  
on the Vecchio clan any further.  
  
Phil invited Cat to join her for breakfast on Christmas morning. It  
would be the first time since Cat's arrival in Chicago that they could  
spend uninterrupted time together. Later in the day Phil would drive  
them out to Rob and Beth's place.  
  
On Christmas morning Cat packed her gifts into a small leather backpack,  
donned her coat and snowboots and set out on foot to Phil's apartment.  
She welcomed the chance to walk knowing that it would save her any anxiety  
over possible close shaves between Ben and Phil.  
  
  
Phil pulled Cat into her apartment and hugged her, wishing her Merry  
Christmas. The aroma of baking muffins filled the room and Cat sniffed  
the air appreciatively.  
  
"Do I smell muffins?"  
  
"You bet." Phil grinned as she hung Cat's coat. "Blueberry."  
  
Phil led Cat down the hall and into the living room. "Welcome to  
my home, Cat."  
  
Cat glanced around the room, taking in the tasteful furniture and decorations.  
"It's lovely, Phil."  
  
"Thanks. I've been very happy living here." Phil pointed  
towards the kitchen. "I'll go get the coffee. Have a seat, I'll  
be back in a minute."  
  
Phil disappeared down the hall, leaving Cat alone in the living room.  
Cat's eyes wandered around the room. She liked what she saw. The living  
room was large, decorated in a style that was feminine without being  
fussy. _Just like Phil_ , Cat thought. The deep windowsills provided  
a perfect place for contemplation and Cat could imagine Phil sitting  
there on rainy afternoons.  
  
She smiled as she wandered around the room touching her hand briefly  
to Phil's collection of memorabilia. There were several pieces of tribal  
art that made Cat chuckle quietly. TJ's influence, she was certain.  
A large tapestry caught her attention and she crossed the room to inspect  
it more closely. It was a mountain scene.  
  
"Do you like it?" Phil asked as she re-entered the room with  
a tray laden with coffee and cups.  
  
"Yes. It's very detailed."  
  
Phil smiled unassumingly as she poured coffee. "I made it."  
  
Cat turned to smile at her. "What a talented woman you are."  
She returned her attention to the tapestry to inspect more closely her  
friend's handiwork.  
  
"That's Thunder Basin." Phil said softly, looking up briefly  
at Cat, then continued with her preparations.  
  
Cat turned to face her again. As she watched at Phil she remembered  
what she knew about Thunder Basin. It was the place where Phil saved  
Ben's life. And where Ben lost his heart.  
  
Phil turned away and began pouring coffee. Cat noticed the year embroidered  
at the bottom. 1985.  
  
Cat accepted a large mug of coffee from Phil. She took a large sip and  
sat down on the sofa Phil had indicated earlier.  
  
"That seems to be the only evidence of Ben's presence in your life,"  
Cat said, gesturing over her shoulder to the tapestry on the wall behind  
her.  
  
Phil flushed and sipped at her coffee, keeping her eyes averted. "Thunder  
Basin is about more than Ben," she said, somewhat defensively.  
  
"It's still the only connection to Ben I see," Cat countered.  
  
Phil got to her feet and crossed the room to her piano. "Take a  
look at this." She pointed to a photo in a simple silver frame sitting  
atop the piano. It was one of many.  
  
Cat followed her friend across the room and inspected the photo. It  
was Lindy; taken the day she was born.  
  
"What more evidence of Ben's part in my life do you need?"  
Phil asked, without the trace of the bitterness Cat expected.  
  
Cat's hand flew to her throat as she sucked in a breath. Phil was right.  
To anyone who knew Ben, his presence in Phil's life was evident. If  
ever there were doubt in anyone's mind about Lindy's paternity, this  
picture would remove it. Looking for a way to change the subject, Cat  
cast her eyes over the other pictures on the piano.  
  
Immediately Cat recognised a picture of Phil with the Rocky Mountain  
Rescue Team. It was the same as the picture on Cat's wall. Amongst  
the others she noticed a picture of Phil and TJ with what appeared to  
be the Grand Canyon in the background. When her eyes reached a picture  
of Phil with a rather handsome man, Cat raised questioning eyebrows.  
  
Phil smiled. "That's Travis. An old boyfriend." She laughed  
at the curious look on Cat's face. "Forget it, Cat. He married  
Carol." She pointed to a picture of herself with another woman.  
Phil indicated the dark-haired woman in the picture. "Remind me  
to tell you that story some time."  
  
Cat saw Phil's eyes change and knew that she would not be any more forthcoming.  
She continued her perusal of the photos. There was several of Lindy  
taken at different stages throughout her all too short life. Each one  
sent a stab of pain through Cat's heart. Eventually her eyes sought  
out a picture of Phil with another handsome man, this time dressed in  
a Rocky Mountain Rescue uniform.  
  
"Who's this? Another boyfriend?" Cat grinned at her friend.  
  
"Well as a matter of fact, yes. " Phil laughed in reply. She  
looked at her hands and her voice turned serious. "I dated Jason  
for a while after Lindy died. He was partly responsible for keeping  
me sane. He was so good to me, even though he knew I couldn't give him  
what he wanted." Phil's voice lowered to almost a whisper. "I  
hurt him. I still feel bad about it."  
  
Cat leaned over and squeezed Phil's hand. "Phil, you do what you  
have to to survive. You suffered enough pain without blaming yourself  
for hurting this guy. Besides, I'm sure he knew the situation."  
  
Phil smiled sadly at Cat. "When I told him I couldn't see him any  
more, he told me he knew all along he wasn't the one I wanted. I felt  
like a heel."  
  
Something inside Cat smiled. It seemed she wasn't the only one telling  
Phil it was obvious she wanted someone else. She wondered if Jason ever  
guessed whom it was that Phil had wanted then. Who she still wanted  
now. But now was not the time to go there.  
  
Cat continued to look at the photos. There were several of Phil and  
her brothers and two shots of Rob and Beth with their children Douglas  
and Tracy, one taken when the children were small and the other more  
recent. There was also a picture, obviously many years old, of TJ and  
a beautiful woman with long light brown hair.  
  
"That's Noelle," Phil answered Cat's unasked question.  
  
"She's lovely," Cat sighed in reply. Now she understood TJ's  
pain. The woman in his arms was not only beautiful, her eyes were filled  
with warmth and laughter and she was clearly very deeply in the love  
with TJ. "TJ looked so happy," she said eventually.  
  
"Yes, he was. But you know the story." Phil reached over  
and picked up a photo of herself with TJ and Rob. "Look at this  
picture. This was taken about a year after Noelle died. TJ wasn't coping  
very well, so Rob and I took him to Montana for a vacation. Beth's family  
has a place up there, so we thought it would do him good to be surrounded  
by people who love him." Phil pointed directly at TJ's image. "But  
look at his eyes."  
  
Cat inspected the photo Phil held. TJ's eyes looked blank and dull.  
He smiled at the camera, but the smile did not reach his eyes. His pain  
was so evident that Cat was shaken. TJ looked like he was dead.  
  
Phil put the picture down and indicated another, more recent. It was  
one Phil had taken of Cat and TJ during the time she had stayed in Cat's  
home. "See the difference?" Phil asked.  
  
Cat had to agree that TJ did, indeed, look markedly different in this  
more recent picture. She was well familiar with the smile he wore.   
When the picture was taken, they had been lovers for three days and it  
looked good on both of them.  
  
"You put that smile there," Phil stated.  
  
"Yeah, well, TJ put a smile on my face as well, Phil," Cat  
said with a smile. Phil smiled too. Nothing more needed to be said  
on that subject.  
  
There were many more pictures adorning the piano top and Cat quickly  
scanned them. "What about the rest of these pictures? Are they  
all old boyfriends?" She teased.  
  
Phil rested her hands on her hips. "Now you're a fine one to talk,  
Cat." She chuckled at the look of surprise on the smaller woman's  
face. "You've got more pictures of old boyfriends on your wall  
than I'll ever have."  
  
Both women laughed. Phil waved her hand at some of the other pictures.  
"These are mostly Beth's family. I took them at their property  
in Montana. We all go up there every year to spend a week together."  
Phil tilted her head and looked at Cat. "You'd really like it there.  
I go there whenever I need to be alone. The cabin I usually stay in is  
right near the river and it's so peaceful. In fact, Beth's sister is  
a writer and she used to go there all the time." The tone of Phil's  
voice changed and she looked sad. "Actually, she's moved there  
permanently now. She had some�.some bad things happen and she feels  
much safer there."  
  
Cat noticed the sad look on Phil's face and thought of her own anxiety  
and the worry caused by the close shaves since arriving in Chicago. "Maybe  
that's where I should have gone for my vacation." She laughed.  
  
Phil laughed. "Next time you need some peace, it's the place I suggest."  
Phil's eyes grew bright. "There's one more picture I want to show  
you. This one is kind of special." She reached across and selected  
a photo in a driftwood frame.  
  
Cat could see it was of Phil and a man, but she didn't recognise him.  
Suddenly the oven timer rang.  
  
"Oh!" Phil exclaimed. "The muffins! I nearly forgot."  
With that she put the picture down and grabbed Cat's wrist, pulling her  
in the direction of the kitchen. "We have to have these while they're  
still hot."  
  
Suddenly forgotten, the picture Phil had wanted to show Cat lay face  
up on the piano, its subjects staring up at the ceiling. Cat promised  
herself she would look at it after breakfast. It seemed important to  
Phil. She glanced quickly at the picture as Phil dragged her away, but  
couldn't make it out. If she could she would have seen Phil laughing  
in the embrace of a handsome dark-skinned man, his long black hair flowing  
almost to his waist.  
  
  
"I'm really glad we got this time alone, Cat," Phil said, as  
the two women tidied the kitchen after their large breakfast. "Come  
have a seat in the living room. I want to give you something."  
  
Cat grinned. She had been waiting for this moment. "I have something  
for you too, Phil."  
  
Phil led Cat back to the sofa and left her whilst she collected a small  
package from her room. Cat used the time to remove Phil's gift from  
her backpack. When Phil returned she pressed a small parcel into Cat's  
hand and Cat handed her parcel over.  
  
For a moment there was silence as each woman carefully peeled away the  
wrapping to reveal its contents. Cat found a small velvet pouch. She  
glanced at Phil briefly before opening it. Inside she found a beautiful  
malachite pendant, dangling from a braided leather strap.  
  
"Oh, Phil, it's beautiful." Cat cooed, looking quickly at her  
friend before fastening the pendant around her neck.  
  
Phil didn't reply. She was staring at the gift in her hand. For a moment  
Cat thought she had chosen wrongly. After all, she knew it was possible  
to buy dream catchers in any store in any city in the USA or Canada.  
  
Cat felt a sudden need to explain her choice. "This is no ordinary  
dream catcher, Phil," she said hastily. "It was made by a friend  
of mine. She chose the stones for you and she tanned the hide herself.  
It's completely personalised for you."  
  
Phil held the item in front of her. The ring of the dream catcher was  
covered with a strip of sage green suede. Caught in the gut web were  
several items; a small piece of amber, a piece of amethyst, a bone from  
the wing of a small bird, a small pouch of herbs and a piece of turquoise.  
Dangling from the bottom on three leather thongs was a collection of  
feathers. The longest contained the largest feather.  
  
"And a feather from a golden eagle......" Phil whispered in  
a voice that was barely above a whisper, as she stroked the large feather.  
  
"So you won't forget where you belong." Cat responded. She  
doubted that Phil heard the depth of meaning in her voice. When Phil  
looked at her there were tears in her eyes and Cat breathed a sigh of  
relief. Phil liked her gift.  
  
Cat remembered her trip a month earlier out to the reservation where  
her old friend Jimmy Sunsinger lived with his wife, Sara, and their children.  
Sara Sunsinger had a reputation for making fine dream catchers and Cat's  
request was a special one. She needed two dream catchers. Cat explained  
her requirements and Sara understood immediately. A few days before  
she left for Chicago, Cat drove out to the rez and collected the items  
she ordered. It was Sara's idea to add the golden eagle feather, so  
neither recipient would forget where they belonged. Cat hoped that Phil  
would soon find out for herself that a similar dream catcher hung above  
Ben's bed. For the time being, at least, their dreams of each other  
would be captured.  
  
When Cat and Phil left for Rob and Beth's house an hour later, Phil's  
dreamcatcher was in place hanging by her bed and Cat's malachite pendant  
hung around her neck, proudly displayed for all to see.  
  
  
The McKenzie Christmas lunch was all Cat imagined it to be and more.  
Gifts were exchanged, eggnog was served and an enormous quantity of Beth's  
fine cooking was consumed, all accompanied by lots of laughter.  
  
In a quiet moment, Rob pulled Cat aside and asked if she was staying  
with Ben. When she told him she was, he enquired about Ben's health  
and whether Victoria had been apprehended. Cat told him Ben had recovered  
physically, but the emotional scars still needed work. She said nothing  
about Victoria. She didn't hold back, though, when she told Rob that  
only his sister could make Ben whole again. Rob had no comment, but  
Cat noticed his eyes drift to rest on his sister, playing with his children  
on the far side of the room.  
  
Phil rushed away at 4pm. "I'm singing in the choir tonight and  
I have to go home and change," was the excuse she gave to Cat. "But  
don't worry, TJ will take you home later."  
  
Cat was sure she saw a smirk cross Phil's face, certain that this was  
another ploy at getting her and TJ together. She didn't mind too much,  
she was having a good time with the rest of the McKenzie clan anyway.  
The only problem would come when TJ dropped her off, but she would find  
a way around that.  
  
  
Later that evening, TJ brought his Pathfinder to a halt on West Racine  
where Cat directed him, a full block away from Ben's apartment.  
  
Cat turned a winning smile to TJ. "Thank you again for my gift."  
TJ's gift to Cat was a tiny matchbook sized sand-painting depicting Grasshopper  
Girl, the deity who gave the Navajo the ability to speak.  
  
"I thought it seemed appropriate," he smiled and reached for  
her hand. "I can't thank you enough for your gift."  
  
Cat smiled. As soon as she had seen it, she knew it was the perfect  
gift for TJ. Cat's gift to TJ was a collection of poetry by DH Lawrence  
like the one he had admired at her house. She recalled how he had read  
some of it out loud to her in bed.  
  
"I thought you should have a copy," she smiled at him. She  
could still recall the poem TJ read her;  
  
 _A woman has given me strength and affluence.  
Admitted!  
All the rocking wheat of Canada, ripening now,  
has not so much strength as the body of one woman  
sweet in ear, nor so much to give  
though it feed nations  
_  
"And I'll think of you every time I read it," TJ said warmly.  
  
"I hope so," she smiled at him. With a sigh, Cat gathered  
up her things and stepped out onto the street. TJ was right behind her.  
  
"I'll walk you to your door, this isn't a safe neighbourhood."  
  
Cat turned to him and grinned, "I'm fine, TJ. I'm a cop, remember?"  
  
The handsome man shook his head and began to list his reasons for walking  
Cat to her door. Looking over his shoulder, Cat caught a glimpse of  
red on the other side of the street. She knew it was Ben, making his  
way home after working at the Consulate all day. She swallowed hard  
and wondered what to do. TJ was still talking about how unsafe the streets  
were. Ben would see them both soon and that was a bit more than Cat  
felt capable of explaining at the moment.  
  
Thinking quickly, she grabbed the lapels of TJ's overcoat and pulled  
him close, pressing her mouth against his in a searing kiss. She pushed  
TJ against his car, so that she could watch Ben's progress down the street  
as she kissed him. Finally when Ben entered his apartment building,  
Cat reluctantly pulled away.  
  
"Oh wow!" TJ grinned at her.  
  
She grinned back at him. "Go home, TJ, before I forget we decided  
to be just friends."  
  
They stepped apart. Eventually they said their goodbyes and TJ got back  
in the car and started the ignition. He held Cat's gaze for as long  
as possible as he pulled away from the kerb.  
  
When TJ's car was out of sight, Cat crossed the street. She stopped  
and took several deep breaths before she headed up the stairs. She didn't  
want Ben asking about what had made her so flushed and excited. He already  
thought she had men stashed everywhere. She was relieved that Silvia  
had insisted she stay in the Vecchio home. All of this close contact  
was beginning to take its toll.  
  
  
Ben was inspecting the dream catcher hanging over his bed when Cat walked  
into the apartment. He turned to her and rewarded her with a broad smile.  
  
"Cat!" He crossed the room and swept her into a hug. "Thank  
you, it's a magnificent dream catcher."  
  
"You like it?" Cat smiled against his chest.  
  
Ben pulled away and looked at her. "I love it. It's unlike any  
other I've seen."  
  
Cat moved away and shrugged her backpack off her shoulders. "That's  
because I had it made especially for you."  
  
Ben turned back to his inspection of the dream catcher.  
  
Cat slipped out of her overcoat and hung it in the closet, calling from  
its depths, "Sara Sunsinger made it. All the items were collected  
by Sara and chosen with you in mind." She came out of the closet.  
" She tanned the hide herself and made the catgut.... everything  
is handmade."  
  
Similar in size to the one given Phil, Ben's dreamcatcher was bound in  
strips of tan-coloured suede. The web contained a similar selection  
of items: a piece of moonstone, a piece of garnet, a tooth from a wolf,  
a flat whispering stone and finally a small bag of herbs containing a  
spell. Like Phil's dreamcatcher, Ben's had three leather thongs of varying  
lengths; each tied at the end with a collection of feathers. On the  
longest was a large, pale feather.  
  
"I can see that. I'll be sure to thank Sara when I see her next.  
This is magnificent." Ben smiled, his fingers briefly touching each  
item held in the web of the dream catcher, slipping finally to the feather  
suspended from the bottom. "A feather from a golden eagle....."  
His voice trailed off.  
  
"So you don't forget where you belong." Cat stated, more firmly  
than she had with Phil.  
  
Ben turned around and held Cat's gaze long enough for her to see that  
he was thinking about where he belonged. Cat's words hung between them.  
Ben thought about where he belonged. There was a time when he would  
have said he belonged in Canada, but now he wasn't sure that even there  
he would feel fulfilled. He didn't want to admit to himself what he  
feared was the truth. He was afraid that there was only one place he  
belonged and that place couldn't be found on a map. Why did he feel  
like he belonged with Phil McKenzie? Ben smothered a sigh and reached  
over to collect a plain-wrapped parcel from his trunk.  
  
"I have a gift for you," Ben said in a quiet voice. He handed  
the parcel to Cat.  
  
Cat opened the wrapping and was startled at what she found inside. It  
was a cap, but unlike any she had seen before. It was covered with tiny  
coloured stitches, sewn in swirling designs all over the crown. Not  
much larger than a yarmulke, the delicately embroidered cap was folded  
in two. Cat unfolded it and placed it on her head, dropping the wrapping  
to the floor.  
  
"I love it, Ben. It's so unusual."  
  
"It's Afghanistani." Ben came closer and adjusted the hat  
on Cat's head. "It suits you. Perhaps you'd like to wear it to  
church tonight."  
  
"Church?"  
  
"Yes." It was Ben's turn to step into the closet. He unbuttoned  
his red serge tunic and slipped it onto a hanger. "Ray and his  
family have invited us to join them for Christmas Mass tonight. A visiting  
choir will be performing Christmas songs. I'm told the choir is exceptional.  
I'm looking forward to hearing them sing."  
  
"Choir?"  
  
At the mention of the word, Cat's interest sparked. Phil had mentioned  
she was singing in a choir tonight. Was it possible this was the same  
one? Cat pushed the thought away. There must be hundreds of churches  
and choirs in Chicago. When Ben stepped back into the room he was dressed  
in jeans and a plain green flannel shirt.  
  
"Yes, Cat. A choir. Will you join us? Ray will be here soon....."  
  
"Yes, yes. Of course I'll come." Cat chuckled to herself.  
She didn't often attend church, but with a choir it might be enjoyable.  
It was even worth tolerating Ray's company.  
  
  
Silvia Vecchio saved seats near the front of the church for her family.  
In true matriarchal style, she nudged everyone into the places she wanted  
them to be. Francesca was seated to Silvia's left and Cat to her right.  
Ray sat on Cat's right, with Ben next to him. Silvia managed to place  
Ben and Francesca at opposite ends of the pew, something the younger  
woman was not happy about.  
  
Francesca leaned forward and pointed to Cat's new cap. "Nice hat,"  
she said in a sarcastic voice that told Cat she didn't like it.  
  
"Thank you, Francesca." Cat smiled. "It was a Christmas  
gift from Ben."  
  
Francesca sat back and pouted. Nothing more was heard from her for a  
while.  
  
  
Cat enjoyed the service more than she expected. She even understood  
some of the Latin. She looked around Ray at Ben, who looked happier  
than she had seen him since arriving in Chicago. When the choir started,  
he closed his eyes, a gentle smile settling on his face.  
  
After several hymns, the choir shifted to traditional Christmas songs.  
Silent Night was performed by a quartet, two male and two female voices.  
One of the voices seemed oddly familiar to Ben. He opened his eyes and  
turned in his seat, trying to catch a glimpse of the perfomers, nudging  
into Ray as he did.  
  
"Fraser!" Ray's voice was sharp, though barely a hiss.  
  
Ben's heart raced, he knew that voice. He was sure it was Phil. He  
twisted in his seat again, trying to look over his shoulder, but Ray  
elbowed him again.  
  
"Will you stop!"  
  
Cat leaned forward to see what the problem was, concerned by the tone  
in Ray's voice.  
  
"But Ray....." Ben protested, but trailed off when he saw Cat's  
worried face. He smiled faintly to let her know he was OK. Excusing  
himself, he pushed past the others and headed towards the back of the  
church.  
  
Cat looked around, trying to figure out what had agitated Ben. "Ray,  
what's wrong with Ben?" Cat demanded, gripping his arm.  
  
Ray rolled his eyes and pulled out of her grasp. "I don't know,"  
he whispered harshly.  
  
Cat frowned and looked towards the back of the church, trying to see  
where Ben had gone. She squirmed in her seat, picking up on the anxiety  
Ben felt.  
  
"What is it with you two?" Ray snapped at her.  
  
Cat glared at Ray, not bothering to answer. The song came to an end  
and Cat used the time to push past Ray and follow Ben to the back of  
the church. When she reached his side she dragged him into a quiet corner.  
  
"What's wrong, Ben?"  
  
"I....I thought I heard a voice I knew in the choir."  
  
Cat shuddered suddenly. "Who?" Could it be?  
  
Ben shifted his weight and said, somewhat reluctantly, "Phil."  
He looked at his feet as a blush stole across his features. "It's  
silly, I know." He looked through to where the Vecchio family sat.  
"And now I've embarrassed you in front of Ray's family. I'm sorry."  
  
"You didn't embarrass me, Ben." Cat touched his arm gently.  
"But we'll stay here until the choir finishes so we don't disturb  
anyone else."  
  
Cat held Ben's hand as they stood at the back of the church. They were  
unable to see the choir from their position. Cat noticed Ben's eyes  
close as he concentrated on the voices. Cat listened, but she had never  
heard Phil sing. She could not distinguish her voice amongst them.   
She hoped that when the choir finished she might at least catch a glimpse  
of Phil, just to satisfy her curiousity.  
  
When the next song was over, Francesca Vecchio barrelled down the aisle  
towards them. With a threatening glance in Cat's direction, she launched  
herself at Ben, pushing him hard against the wall.  
  
"Oh, Benton, I was so worried," she breathed, stroking one  
hand down Ben's chest. "I thought you were sick or something."  
Cat snorted with vague amusement as Francesca continued, "Of course,  
I'd give up my time to nurse you back to health. No matter how long  
it takes."  
  
It took Ben the duration of Francesca's speech to find his voice. "Thank  
you, Francesca, but I'm fine." He struggled to disentangle himself  
from Francesca's hands. "I'm sorry that I worried you." Ben  
cleared his throat and looked pleadingly at Cat for help. "I.....ah.....I  
remembered something......"  
  
Francesca still clawed at Ben. Cat was about to reach over and haul  
her bodily off Ben, when Silvia Vecchio beat her to it.  
  
"Francesca! It's time to leave." Silvia looked apologetically  
at Cat as she gripped her daughter's elbow and steered her away.  
  
As parishioners milled around them, Cat realised that the choir had finished  
and people were beginning to leave. During the flurry caused by Francesca,  
the choir had left without being seen by Ben or her.  
  
When Ray finished arguing with his sister, he turned his attention to  
Ben and Cat. "What is it with you, Fraser?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Ray. I thought...."  
  
"Can it, Fraser," Ray snapped, turning on his heel. "I'm  
taking you home."  
  
Cat and Ben exchanged a glance and then followed after Ray. A wry smile  
pulled at Cat's mouth. "You know, Ben, I know the perfect way to  
stop Ray's sister from throwing herself at you."  
  
He turned expectant eyes to his friend. "How?"  
  
Cat waited while Ben held the church door for her and then followed her  
onto the snow-crusted path leading to Ray's car. "Sort things out  
with Phil."  
  
That wasn't the answer Ben wanted to hear and for a moment he was dumbstruck.  
"Cat...." he warned, his voice trailing off as they approached  
the Riv where Ray waited impatiently.  
  
"Let me call her, Ben."  
  
"No, Cat." Ben stated in a voice that indicated the end of  
the conversation.  
  
  
Three days after Christmas, Ray collected Cat and her belongings from  
Ben's apartment. The three of them drove in silence across town. Ben  
was pleased Cat was staying in the Vecchio home, although he was concerned  
about her being in such close proximity with Ray. Their bickering seemed  
a permanent feature of any time they spent together.  
  
Ray was irritated by the thought of Cat in his home, but knew better  
than to defy his mother. He'd just spend more time at work. For Cat  
it was the lesser of two evils. Keeping Ben and Phil from running into  
each other was proving harder than she had anticipated.  
  
  
In the days after Christmas Cat kept to herself. Ben continued to work  
the ridiculous hours set by Meg Thatcher and Ray tried his best to stay  
out of her way. Cat spent her evenings alone with Ben, sometimes at  
the Vecchio home, sometimes out at movies or diners. They talked a lot,  
but not about the things Cat wanted to discuss. But she was a patient  
woman.  
  
  
Snippets of conversation drifted across the hall to where Cat was dressing  
in Silvia's room.  
  
"Ray, I simply cannot wear that shirt."  
  
"Why not, Fraser? It's a beautiful shirt."  
  
"It's **orange,** Ray."  
  
"Not all of it."  
  
"Most of it."  
  
Cat could hear Ray's frustrated sigh across the hall. "Well which  
shirt do you want to wear, Benny?"  
  
"The white one, Ray."  
  
"The white one?" Cat smiled when she heard Ray's voice raise  
an octave.  
  
"The white one."  
  
Cat turned her attention back to selecting her own outfit. She knew  
when Ben invited her to join Ray and him at the Chicago Police Department  
New Years Party he would argue with Ray about what he would wear. At  
least she had talked him out of wearing the red serge. By the time Ray  
got involved, Ben had already agreed to buy a new suit for the occasion.  
It was a simple black suit, but Ben let Ray take him to his tailor.  
  
Cat had to admit that Ray had chosen well. The suit was stylish and  
flattering. The problem came with the shirt. Ray bought Ben a shirt  
in a geometric pattern in oranges and yellows, insisting it would go  
well with the black suit. Ray was sure he could convince Ben to wear  
it instead of the utilitarian white one the Mountie bought for himself.  
  
When the conversation across the hall escalated to danger point, Cat  
intervened, calling out from her room.  
  
"For gods sakes, Ray, let him wear the white shirt. It doesn't  
matter."  
  
"I guess it doesn't **matter** if he wants to look like a **waiter** ,"  
Ray called in reply. "Just for once Benny, can't you be a **little**  
adventurous?"  
  
Cat's eyes took on a mischievous gleam. She walked to her door and called  
across the hall to Ray, "Now, Ray, you haven't seen the sequined  
thong he's wearing under that suit."  
  
She heard Ben's gasp and Ray's bark of laughter from the other side of  
the hall and was in no doubt as to the colour of Ben's face. Cat slipped  
into her dress and waited for Ben to come and scold her. In record time,  
he appeared in her doorway, straightening his tie.  
  
"Now, Cat....." he started.  
  
"So what do you think?" Cat stepped out of the closet and  
twirled around, letting Ben see her dress from all angles.  
  
Ben ran his eyes up and down, taking in the tiny piece of black velvet  
adorning Cat's body.  
  
"Is that all?" Ben squeaked  
  
"What do you mean 'is that all'?"  
  
"Surely you're wearing something else?"  
  
"Coat, scarf, hat, gloves...it's winter. Of course I'm wearing  
something else."  
  
"I mean, is there another part to your outfit?"  
  
"Oh, so you think it's too much?"  
  
"Too much? No, no, more like too **little**."  
  
"Oh give me a break, Ben." Cat turned back to the closet and  
reached for her overcoat.  
  
Ben rushed across the room to help her put it on. "I'm merely concerned  
for you, Cat. Perhaps you shouldn't wear something so......so.....revealing.  
This is the Chicago Police Department. It's not like Canada. I think  
you'll find the men here are very different."  
  
As if on cue, Ray's voice came from the hallway, "Come on, come  
on. We're gonna be late."  
  
Cat glared at Ben, holding up her hand as if to signal the end of the  
conversation. "Ben, I'm fine. The dress is fine. This is what  
I'm wearing. End of story."  
  
"But, Cat...." He wore a look of frustration.  
  
Cat cut him off, "OK, let's ask Ray."  
  
Cat stepped into the hallway in front of Ray. Ben groaned. She unbuttoned  
her overcoat and held it open. "What do you think, Ray?"  
  
Ray looked her up and down. This was the first time he had seen Cat  
in anything other than pants or jeans and frankly he was taken by surprise.  
"Ah....exactly what I am being asked my opinion of?" he asked  
tentatively, sure that if he gave the wrong response, she would probably  
hit him.  
  
"The dress, Ray. Ben thinks its too......revealing."  
  
"Ah, well, at the risk of getting my face slapped here, I have to  
say it looks great."  
  
She turned to Ben. "See!"  
  
"Cat, I just don't want people to think that you're a......."  
He blushed and looked at the floor.  
  
"What, Ben? What?"  
  
"Well, that you're......that you're......a......." He hesitated  
and cleared his throat. "A strumpet," he finally stammered.  
  
"A strumpet!" Cat and Ray exploded together, before bursting  
into fits of laughter. They looked at each other, then back at Ben.  
  
"Benny boy, no-one says strumpet." Ray slapped his friend on  
the back.  
  
"Why, Ray?" He wore an innocent look.  
  
"Oh lighten up man, you've seen my sister wearing less than that."  
  
Cat turned questioning eyes to Ben and watched as he turned a deep shade  
of red. She'd ask him about **that** later.  
  
Ray continued, "She looks great. Come on, let's go."  
  
Ray gently steered Ben down the stairs, leaving Cat to collect her things  
and follow behind. She wondered what had just taken place.  
  
Ray, for his part, was anxious to get moving. The sight of Cat in a  
black dress that fit too well in some places and not well enough in others  
caused stirrings in parts of his body that he had never thought could  
happen with this woman.  
  
  
The party had just gotten underway when they arrived. Ben was very formal,  
introducing Cat to Lieutenant Welsh, who shook her hand; Elaine, who  
smiled and was her usual charming self; and Jack Huey, who looked at  
Fraser with raised eyebrows that showed his surprise at seeing the Mountie  
with a woman.  
  
The group from the 27th Precinct was gathered around a large table off  
to one side of the room. It wasn't close enough to the dance floor  
to interfere with conversation at the table. Gallantly, Ben held the  
chair out for Cat and sent nervous glances around the table when she  
removed her coat. When no-one's eyes popped out, Ben sat down, not at  
all reassured. He still thought Cat was underdressed.  
  
"Drinks? Who wants what?" Ray asked as he stood over them.  
  
"I'd like a glass of champagne please,Ray," Cat answered.  
  
Ray nodded and gestured to Ben. "And what about you, Radar? Grape  
Nehi?" Everyone at the table laughed.  
  
Unfamiliar with the reference, Ben stared at his friend. "I beg  
your pardon, Ray?"  
  
"Forget it, what do you want to drink, Fraser?"  
  
"Oh, I'll have a glass of champagne also, Ray."  
  
"Champagne? You?"  
  
"Yes, Ray." Ben replied, wondering why Ray looked at him like  
that.  
  
  
By the time Ray returned with the drinks, Cat had slipped into easy conversation  
with the group from the 27th Precinct.  
  
"Fraser tells me you're a Mountie, too," Welsh said, leaning  
back and sipping at his drink.  
  
"Yes," Cat smiled across the table. "Ben and I graduated  
the same year."  
  
"So are you a super cop, too?" Welsh asked, with just a hint  
of irony.  
  
Cat noticed that Ben blushed. She smiled, it was clear that Welsh held  
Ben in high esteem, even if he was afraid to show it. So typical of  
men his age, she thought to herself.  
  
"There's only one Ben Fraser. I'm just a regular cop." Everyone  
chuckled.  
  
Elaine turned her attention to Cat. "I'd like to talk to you about  
your experiences Cathy," the young woman said eagerly. "I'm  
training to be a cop myself and there aren't too many woman around I  
can talk to."  
  
"Well, Elaine, my experiences aren't all that exciting. My post  
is very average. Ben's sister, Becka, would have far more interesting  
things to tell you."  
  
"Fraser's sister works in a very specialised area," Huey countered  
from Cat's right.  
  
"That's right, Cat. Becka works in a specialist field," Ben  
agreed. "I think Elaine would like to hear about your 'average'  
post."  
  
Elaine nodded. "That's right, Cathy. I'm not looking to win any  
bravery medals. I just want to learn how best to serve my community.  
There aren't very many role models."  
  
"Yeah and the only other female Mounties Elaine's met haven't exactly  
been good examples." Welsh said. The titter around the table indicated  
that everyone knew exactly which female Mountie he was talking about.  
  
Cat smiled and looked at Ben. He looked at his hands. Even though his  
attempt at a relationship with Meg Thatcher hadn't worked out, he was  
not comfortable with people putting her down.  
  
"I take it you know Thatcher?" Welsh asked eventually.  
  
Cat opened her mouth to reply, but Ray cut her off, speaking for the  
first time since he sat down. "The Sergeant knows The Dragon Lady.  
She told me they've got a history....." He stopped when everyone  
at the table stared at him.  
  
Ben whipped his head around to look at Cat, wondering when she had provided  
Ray with **that** piece of information. As far as he knew, his two  
friends rarely spoke to each other and only then when they had to. Eventually,  
all heads turned to look at Cat.  
  
"A history?" Huey asked, leaning towards her. "Sounds  
intriguing."  
  
Ray warmed to the discussion. "Oh yeah, I just bet it is. You  
shoulda seen them go at each other at the Consulate."  
  
Ben's eyes widened with surprise. Cat hadn't mentioned a confrontation  
with Inspector Thatcher.  
  
"Ooh, this sounds like a story I'd like to hear," Elaine cooed  
conspiratorially.  
  
Cat saw Ben's look and in deference to his fondness for Thatcher, she  
tried to change the subject. "Well, it was a long time ago. We  
were both very young and I didn't handle the situation very well."  
  
Ray leaned across the table towards Cat. He was definitely starting  
to enjoy this. "So you're saying that Thatcher handled this **situation**  
better than you?" he asked, a challenging grin spreading across  
his face.  
  
"No, Ray," Cat smiled through almost clenched teeth. "What  
I'm saying is that the manner in which I responded was not very mature."  
She spoke in a precise, clipped manner.  
  
"What did you do? Pop her one?" Welsh asked, the grin on his  
face showing that that was exactly what he hoped she had done.  
  
"No....I......" Cat stopped and looked at Ben. A distinct  
red colour was spreading up his features. Cat didn't know why he was  
embarrassed; he wasn't even there when it happened.  
  
Ray interrupted Cat's thoughts. "But what you're saying is that  
The Dragon Lady is more **mature** than you?" He was enjoying  
this way too much.  
  
"No, Ray," Cat almost hissed at him. Ben reached over and  
rested his hand on hers, effectively halting her reaction to Ray. The  
rest of the table noticed the antagonism between the pair and for a moment  
no one spoke.  
  
"Cathy, I think you should just tell the story, before you and Ray  
tear each other's heads off," Welsh said with a note of amusement  
in his voice.  
  
"OK, OK," Cat sighed. "I'll tell you, but I warn you,  
it's not very complimentary."  
  
"Does it involve otter swinging?" Ray asked, sarcastically.  
  
Cat ignored him and sipped at her champagne before starting her story.  
Ray leaned back in his chair, not wanting to seem to eager to hear the  
story she had to tell. He would never let on, but since the first day  
The Sergeant arrived, he had been eager to hear about her past clash  
with The Dragon Lady.  
  
  
CHRISTMAS EVE 1980  
Cat arrived in Regina at 4pm. She went straight to meet Bob Fraser.  
She hadn't seen him since she passed through Regina on her way to Labrador  
eight weeks earlier to fill in for a Constable who was on maternity leave.  
  
Cat and Ben agreed to meet in Regina and spend Christmas with Bob and  
Becka. Ben was coming in from the Yukon. She hadn't seen him since  
he went to Inuvik three months earlier, so it promised to be a happy  
time together. The visit also coincided with the final exams of a specialist  
diplomatic group that Bob had trained for the last three months, of which  
Becka was a part. Neither Cat nor Bob knew what time Ben would arrive  
as planes from Inuvik were notoriously delayed in winter, so they agreed  
to meet at Shamrocks, a bar near the Academy, where Bob traditionally  
treated his students to a celebratory Christmas drink.  
  
When Cat entered the bar, Bob and Becka called out to her and then led  
her over to the bar to buy her a drink. Liam Phelan, the good-humoured  
Irishman who owned the bar, remembered her well from her visits during  
her time at the Academy.  
  
"So, Cathy, will you be dancing tonight?" Liam asked, his Irish  
lilt hinting at good times past.  
  
Becka raised her eyebrows and looked at Cat, who laughed and replied,  
"I couldn't possibly, Liam. My partners in crime aren't here.   
I can't dance alone."  
  
Liam chuckled, "Look again." He indicated over his shoulder  
to where a group of men and women in Mountie uniforms gathered around  
a table laughing and very obviously enjoying themselves.  
  
"Well, well...." Cat mused as she eyed the group. Fate had  
brought her together with a group of women from her training days. She  
knew all of them had opted for posts close to Regina, but she hadn't  
expected to see them in the bar tonight. Much less, she hadn't expected  
them to be part of Bob's training group.  
  
"Oh, Cathy, that's a wicked gleam I see in your eye." Bob chuckled,  
wrapping one arm around her shoulders and hugging her quickly as Liam  
slapped their drinks onto the bar.  
  
Bob and Becka led Cat across the crowded room to the group Liam had indicated.  
They were huddled around a long table, talking loudly and animatedly.  
As they approached, a woman disengaged herself from the group and leapt  
towards Cat, throwing her arms around her in a tight hug.  
  
"Cathy Madden! What a surprise."  
  
Cat hugged her back. "Sherry, you're the last person I expected  
to see." Sherry Turner was still the same tall, dark-haired beauty  
Cat remembered, with sparkling eyes and a mass of curls that framed her  
perfect features. Cat cast her eyes around the rest of the assembled  
mob and greeted most of them by name.  
  
Bob grinned, a warm smile spreading across his face, "Looks like  
I don't need to introduce you, Cathy."  
  
The others agreed and shuffled along so Bob, Becka and Cat could join  
them around the table. Of the group there was only one person she didn't  
know; a woman with shoulder length dark hair setting off what should  
have been a beautiful face. Something didn't seem right to Cat; the  
woman's eyes were dark and moody and didn't sparkle like the eyes of  
the other women at the table. Bob introduced her as Constable Margaret  
Thatcher.  
  
Bob headed off to the bar to buy the promised champagne, leaving Cat  
with Becka and the rest of his group of students. Constable Dan Brody,  
a man Cat had met in Toronto two years earlier, snagged an extra chair  
and pushed it into place between himself and Margaret Thatcher. Margaret  
eyed her suspiciously, but Cat shook it off and went back to catching  
up with the rest of the group.  
  
The conversation flowed easily around the table and Cat was pleased that  
she had come. She hadn't expected tonight to be a reunion and it made  
her very happy. Dan flirted with Cat, but she fended off his interest  
with a look of non-comprehension that she had learned from Ben. Margaret  
Thatcher was heard to ask on several occasions what was so special about  
Cat. Unseen by Cat, Margaret continued to look at her with evil eyes.  
Sometime later Sherry enlightened her.  
  
"Margaret thinks you're hitting on her man," the dark-haired  
woman told her. "She's been after Dan for the last six weeks.   
You think she'd realise by now he's not interested. I bet she thinks  
you're making moves..."  
  
"Well I'm not." Cat mentally kicked herself for not figuring  
it out.  
  
"Oh, I know it," Sherry laughed. "With a guy like Ben,  
why would you even look at another man." Sherry's laugh trickled  
away and her voice turned serious as she cast a look in Margaret's direction.  
"She's got strange ideas. Just be warned."  
  
Cat smiled and hugged her friend. "Thanks for the warning. Let's  
move to the other side of the table."  
  
Cat and Sherry moved their chairs to the other side of the group and  
continued with their conversation. Cat looked at Margaret across the  
table, thinking that she was really quite beautiful. Why didn't anyone  
like her?  
  
A little later, after Cat told a very funny story about a tough redneck  
she had rescued from a housespider, one of the members of the group,  
Peter Brieholt, called out, "You're so funny, Cathy. I wish I'd  
been there!"  
  
Cat shrugged and got to her feet. It was her turn to buy the drinks.  
She brushed past Margaret's chair as she moved around to group to get  
to the bar. She was startled to hear the woman speak in a stage whisper.  
  
"Well, I don't know what you all find so great about **her**.  
She's not even pretty....."  
  
Cat rushed away quickly, momentarily struck dumb with the audacity of  
this woman. She was not at all surprised to find Bob at her side.  
  
"I'm sorry, Cathy," he whispered. "I'll make her apologise."  
  
"No, Bob. It's not worth it." Cat shook her head. "What  
 **is** that woman's problem? She's made comments like that all night."  
  
Bob shrugged. "She's a strange one, so competitive." He said  
quietly, "She can't stand the thought of not being the centre of  
attention. She's just jealous, ignore her." Bob glanced over his  
shoulder at the woman who now wore a smug expression. He shook his head.  
"She was the only one of the group I had a problem with. She thought  
she knew everything."  
  
"She's a bitch." Cat stated.  
  
"That she is, Cathy. Now you just go back to that table with your  
head held high and don't let her get to you."  
  
A wicked gleam made it's way to Cat's eyes, "Oh no, Bob. If you  
think I'm going to let her get to me, you are sadly mistaken." She  
straightened visibly. "She'll be sorry."  
  
Cat and Bob collected the drinks and carried them back to the table.  
Becka grabbed Cat's wrist as she took her seat again, her eyes showing  
her concern. She had heard what Margaret said and although she knew  
Cat to be resilient, she was still concerned.  
  
"It's OK," Cat mouthed to Becka.  
  
Cat swept her twinkling eyes around the table to Sherry and watched,  
amused, as the taller woman's eyes took on the same wicked gleam. They  
each recognised the message the other sent.  
  
Cat and Sherry sipped at their drinks and chatted, waiting for the right  
moment. If Margaret Thatcher thought Cat was seeking attention, by the  
time she and Sherry finished she would not know what hit her. They would  
show her what being the centre of attention was all about.  
  
Ten minutes later, a driving rock number came on the jukebox and Cat  
turned her eyes to meet Sherry's.  
  
"I think they're playing our song, Sherry."  
  
"I think they are, Cathy," the lanky beauty replied.  
  
Together they got to their feet, and with deliberate slowness, approached  
the bar. Liam Phelan, the aging Irishmen who had owned the bar as long  
as anyone in the RCMP could remember, grinned. He knew what was about  
to happen. He cleared a section of the bar and two men got off their  
stools and shifted out of the way.  
  
As Cat and Sherry approached, Liam grinned and said, "It's good  
to have you two back. No-one, and I mean no-one, has danced on my bar  
since you left Regina."  
  
Cat and Sherry smiled and accepted help from the two Mounties who had  
moved their stools. Once on the bar, the two women looked at each other  
and counted out loud to three. On the same beat they began to sway and  
gyrate along the cleared space of the bar. The people in the bar clapped  
and shouted words of encouragement. When the song ended and segued into  
Nutbush City Limits, two more women from Bob's group joined Cat and Sherry.  
  
The four of them danced in unison until the strains of Time Warp were  
heard. Another woman and two men from the group, one of whom was Dan  
Brody, joined them. When the song ended, the group panted with exertion  
and the crowd clapped and shouted louder than before.  
  
Cat leapt down to get a drink, leaving the rest of the group to continue.  
She was parched. As she approached the table, it didn't surprise her  
in the least when Margaret fixed her gaze and said, "I think it's  
a brazen display and you should be ashamed of yourself."  
  
Cat looked at Bob and they both shrugged. Bob loved it. He thought  
it was great to see people having such harmless fun. Besides, the rest  
of the bar patrons seemed to enjoy it, too. He said as much.  
  
Margaret snorted. "I don't mind people having fun. But I think  
 **she** is behaving like a tramp." Margaret indicated Cat with  
an indignant shake of her head.  
  
Becka spoke up in Cat's defence. "You're just saying that because  
you're too uptight to have fun yourself. You don't like it when someone  
else does."  
  
Margaret's eyes grew dark as she addressed Becka. "This has nothing  
to do with fun." She snorted in Cat's direction again. "She's  
been flirting with every man in the room. And not content with that,  
she has to flaunt all she has by dancing on the bar." She fixed  
Cat with a stony glare. "I wonder who you'll be going home with?"  
  
Becka opened her mouth to speak, but Bob laid a hand on her arm and leapt  
to his feet. "That's enough, Margaret. For your information, Cathy  
will be going home with my son. She's my future daughter-in-law."  
  
Margaret sat back in her chair as if slapped. She knew she had made  
a faux pas of the first order. It did not bode well to get on the wrong  
side of your instructor.  
  
Cat smiled gratefully at Bob and Becka and the others at the table.   
Putting her glass down, she motioned toward the bar. "I'm going  
back to have some more fun."  
  
Becka leapt to her feet. "I think I'll join you, Cat."  
  
Bob shook his head in resignation and was heard to mumble something about  
his only daughter dancing on a bar and where he went wrong.  
  
With a final, triumphant smile, the two women headed towards the bar  
to join the their friends.  
  
"Thanks, Beck." Cat smiled and gave Becka a quick hug before  
they climbed onto the bar together.  
  
Becka grinned back, her smile so like her brother's. "If Dad wasn't  
here I would have slapped her."  
  
Cat, Sherry and Becka danced on the bar with an ever-changing group of  
Mounties, male and female, for another fifteen minutes or so. None of  
them knew what went on back at the table, but Cat was shocked when Sherry  
nudged her and pointed out a group of Mounties helping Margaret onto  
the other end of the bar. Cat and Sherry shrugged at each other and  
kept dancing. Neither of them noticed Dan Brody approach the bar and  
whisper into Liam's ear. The music changed abruptly from rock to a slower,  
sexier rhythm.  
  
Not surprisingly, the two guys were the first to get down. After another  
number, two of the women got down, leaving Cat, Sherry and Becka at one  
end and Margaret at the other. Margaret gave them a nervous glance.  
When she realised no one else seemed to be stopping, she continued dancing.  
  
The next song was a slow, sexy number that hinted at strip music. Cat  
grinned wickedly at Sherry and Becka and began to gyrate her hips in  
a seductive manner. The trio looked over at Margaret who began to do  
the same. The next song got sexier and Cat began unbuttoning her shirt.  
  
Sherry looked over at her and shook her head. "You're not....."  
she yelled incredulously as she continued to dance.  
  
Cat nodded in reply and looked across at Margaret, who eyed them suspiciously.  
The crowd went crazy as they realised what was going on. Cat unbuttoned  
her shirt and slipped it off, tossing it into the crowd. Sherry's shirt  
followed. Becka's shirt joined theirs shortly after.  
  
The three women continued to dance, watching as Margaret nervously unbuttoned  
her shirt and slipped it off her shoulders too. It seemed Margaret was  
attempting to upstage them. Cat wasn't concerned. She had on many layers.  
She was sure Margaret would call it quits before too long.  
  
By now the four dancing women had the attention of the entire tavern,  
most of whom had gathered near the bar, clapping enthusiastically. Bob  
Fraser stood at the back of the room, shaking his head and hoping that  
Benton wouldn't arrive until after this spectacle was over.  
  
Cat, Sherry and Becka continued to strip off layers, with Margaret copying  
their actions each time. The crowd loved it. Cat and Sherry even got  
assistance from two men in undoing and removing their boots, which they  
kicked into the crowd. Liam spent the entire time running around the  
bar collecting the women's discarded garments with a patience that suggested  
he had done it before.  
  
Cat, Sherry and Becka continued to remove their clothes until the three  
women finally danced on the bar in their thermal underwear. Margaret  
did the same until she too danced clad only in her thermals. Cat's were  
red and black striped, but still thick thermals, Sherry's were white,  
dotted all over with tiny pink flowers, Becka's were plain red and Margaret's  
a delicate lavender.  
  
Sherry raised questioning eyes to Cat, who answered by raising her arms  
and making moves to remove her top.  
  
"This is where I quit," Sherry laughed. Dan Brody helped her  
off the bar and stood by her protectively, while they watched to see  
what Cat, Becka and Margaret would do next.  
  
Becka glanced across at Cat and realised the other woman had no intention  
of stopping. She weighed her options. She could continue to dance,  
or she could get down. She cast her eyes quickly around the room and,  
seeing the worried look on her father's face, decided to get down.   
Plus, she knew there would be trouble if Ben arrived and found his sister  
and his girlfriend both dancing in their underwear. She could almost  
picture the look of shock on his face. He'd probably need an ambulance.  
With the aid of a handsome young Mountie, Becka climbed down and gathered  
up her clothing. This was Cat's show.  
  
Cat pulled her top over her head and, for a moment, the crowd was silent.  
She tossed it into the air and the crowd gasped. Underneath she wore  
a red velvet teddy trimmed with white fur, like one of Santa's helpers.  
She had bought it a week earlier as a Christmas surprise for Ben, with  
tonight's reunion in mind. Now half of Regina was seeing it before he  
did. The applause was thunderous.  
  
A titter washed through the crowd. Margaret's arms were caught in her  
top as she tried to remove it. She wavered on the bar with her thermal  
underwear covering her face. Unaware, Cat continued to strip.  
  
Unable to see, Margaret staggered two steps, still struggling to remove  
her top. Before anyone could come to her assistance, she stepped off  
the bar and fell into the arms of a very drunk Mountie. She screamed,  
struggled out of the startled man's arms, yanked her top down, then ran  
to the ladies room. Some people stared in horror, but the members of  
Bob's group roared with laughter. Several were doubled over. Becka  
had tears streaming down her face.  
  
Meanwhile, at the other end of the bar, the crowd encouraged Cat to finish.  
She finally stripped off her leggings and tossed them to Sherry. Now  
that she had seen Cat's undergarments, Sherry was the loudest in her  
encouragement. Cat strutted the length of the bar, proudly showing off  
her Santa's helper teddy. The crowd went wild and hooted in appreciation.  
  
Bob Fraser pushed his way through the crowd and collected Cat and Sherry's  
clothes from Liam, then shoved them into Sherry's arms. Now that his  
daughter had put her clothes back on, it was time for Cat to do the same.  
He stood in front of Cat and grabbed her wrist.  
  
"Young lady, you best get down before Benton gets here. There's  
no telling what he'll do if he sees you like this."  
  
Cat grinned cheekily down at Bob. "You don't like my outfit?"  
  
"Don't like it? Oh, Cathy if I was thirty years younger, you'd be  
in big trouble," he grinned at the young woman. With a grunt, he  
grabbed Cat around the waist and pulled her onto his shoulder. Lifting  
her off the bar, he set her down on the floor in front of him. "But  
I'm not certain that my son will feel the same way." He kissed  
her cheek and then nudged her in the direction of the ladies room. Cat  
led the way with Sherry in tow; her arms still full of their clothes.  
"Hubba hubba," Bob muttered to the group of men that watched  
appreciatively as they went.  
  
  
"What happened to Margaret?" Cat asked, once they were inside  
the ladies room pulling on their clothes once again.  
  
"You mean after she fell off the bar?" Sherry asked, struggling  
to get the words out without laughing.  
  
"What?"  
  
Sherry laughed. "Yeah, she fell on some drunk guy, I don't know  
his name."  
  
"Oh my god!" Cat cried, clapping a hand over her open mouth.  
"Then what happened?"  
  
"Oh she ran out of here like a demon. She barely managed to put  
her clothes on."  
  
"Oh shit, Sherry. Should I feel bad?"  
  
"No-one held a gun to her head, Cathy."  
  
The two women looked at each other for a moment and then both burst out  
laughing.  
  
When Cat and Sherry emerged from the ladies room several minutes later,  
they were met by thunderous applause. They made their way back to the  
table and sat down.  
  
A minute later Liam joined them with an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne.  
"On the house. You girls single handedly increased bar sales in  
the last half hour." They grinned and poured the champagne.  
  
Becka raised her glass at Cat and Sherry. "You two are crazy!   
It appears that you've done this before."  
  
Cat and Sherry exchanged a guilty glance. "Well, during our time  
at the Academy we **did** end up dancing on the bar nearly every Friday  
night," Sherry confirmed.  
  
Cat grinned. "But we never took our clothes off before."  
  
Becka sipped her champagne and grinned at the other two women. "Now  
Sherry I might believe, but you, Cat, now that's another story."  
  
Cat didn't respond, she just sipped at her champagne and settled back  
to enjoy the rest of the evening. Margaret Thatcher wasn't seen again  
that night.  
  
It wasn't long before Ben arrived. Sherry saw him first and nudged  
Cat, pointing towards the door. She smiled broadly when she saw her  
handsome lover, still dressed in his uniform. In a heartbeat Cat was  
on her feet, flying across the room. She leapt into his arms, hugging  
him tightly.  
  
Cat's exuberance still surprised Ben, even though they had been together  
six months. After she kissed him thoroughly, Cat led him to the table  
where his father sat with his sister and group of students.  
  
"Lucky bastard," They heard a man say as they made their way  
through the crowd.  
  
Ben turned questioning eyes to Cat, but she only smiled and kissed his  
cheek.  
  
  
"I'm never gonna be able to look that woman in the eye again!"  
Welsh exploded between bouts of laughter.  
  
Cat smiled, she hadn't expected the 27th Precinct's collective dislike  
of Meg Thatcher to be so intense. She made a mental note to drop Sherry  
a line and tell her about her recent encounter with Meg Thatcher. Ironically,  
Sherry had married Dan Brody three years after she danced in her underwear  
with Cat and Becka.  
  
Ben didn't speak. Even after all these years he remembered that night  
clearly. He remembered the way the Mounties in the bar had slapped him  
on the back in congratulations. Eventually, Cat told him what happened.  
He had to admit that he had been pleased when he finally saw her Santa's  
helper teddy. But, even now, the thought of Cat barely dressed in a  
public place made him anxious and over-protective.  
  
"Is that the way you settle all your personality clashes, Cathy?"  
Huey asked. "Because if it is I'd like to start a fight with you  
right now."  
  
Everyone roared with laughter, even Ray, who had been noticeably silent  
since Cat finished her tale. He had to admit that The Sergeant seemed  
to be an odd mixture of toughness and femininity. He thought it no surprise  
that Elaine would look to someone like The Sergeant as a role model.  
But he'd never tell her that.  
  
The rest of the New Years Party was fun. Cat danced with anyone who  
asked and, to Ben's constant worry, there seemed to be many. Try as  
she might, Cat was unable to get Ben to dance with anyone except her.  
She reminded him he had danced with someone else at a costume party not  
too long ago � someone who reminded him of Phil. When he turned  
sullen, Cat left him to his own devices and proceeded to enjoy the company  
of the Chicago Police Department.  
  
  
It was very, very late when Ben took the Riviera keys from a tipsy and  
obstreperous Ray. The drive home was almost in silence. Ray fell asleep  
in the car and woke up only when Ben brought the vehicle to a halt in  
the Vecchio driveway and then only to complain about the mistreatment  
of his car. Cat left Ben to manhandle Ray into the house and went to  
bed.  
  
  
New Years Day was subdued. Ben, who had slept on the sofa, was the first  
to awaken. He had coffee and muffins ready for Cat when she came downstairs.  
Ray emerged after lunch, nursing a mild hangover. They didn't speak  
much.  
  
In the late afternoon, Cat suggested they take Diefenbaker for a walk.  
She had been in the house with Ray for too long and was keen to get away.  
Together, she and Ben took a bus to his apartment, where Cat fed the  
wolf whilst Ben showered and changed.  
  
Cat lay on Ben's narrow bed whilst she waited for him to return from  
the bathroom. She looked forward to a long walk in the snow. The park  
would be nearly empty on a day like this and Cat hoped she could use  
the time to talk to Ben about Phil. Cat cast her eyes around Ben's apartment  
while she waited, her eyes finally come to rest on the dreamcatcher hanging  
over her head. She realised that this was the first day that Phil McKenzie  
had not dominated her thoughts.  
  
  
Over the next few days, Cat spent a lot of time away from Ben. Inspector  
Thatcher still assigned him longer hours than anyone else. Although  
this angered her, it did give her the opportunity to spend time with  
Phil. She even managed to fit in lunch with Elaine. The downside was  
that she saw way too much of Ray during this time. She took to staying  
in bed until he had left the house. She would then have breakfast and  
go out for the day. She tried to have lunch with Ben, but it wasn't  
always possible. They were, at least, able to spend most evenings together.  
Most of these evenings were pleasant. Until Ben pushed Cat to her limits.  
  
  
Cat looked at her friend, incredulous. "I can't believe you said  
that, Ben."  
  
"Cat, please."  
  
Ben pushed open the cinema door and held it for her. She pushed past  
him. He shook his head then followed her out onto the street. Cat stalked  
away, angrily shoving her hands into her pockets. He hurried to catch  
her. For a small woman she walked fast.  
  
Cat fumed. The movie they had just seen was about love gone wrong.   
A couple that had been in love in their teens were separated for reasons  
beyond their control, then reunited ten years later after both experienced  
disastrous marriages. The couple should have lived happily ever after,  
but at the last minute, the woman had a change of heart and dumped the  
guy. She left him waiting at City Hall where they were to be married.  
The movie ended with the man renouncing love and declaring his celibacy.  
He never heard from the woman again.  
  
Ben told her it reminded him of his situation with Phil. At first Cat  
thought he was referring to the way he had ended his relationship with  
Phil. But, further discussion led Ben to say that Phil had hurt him,  
just as the woman in the film had hurt her lover.  
  
Cat tilted her head to stare at the man walking beside her. Ben was  
her oldest and dearest friend and she had forgiven him many things over  
the years, but this was getting close to her tolerance level. Maybe  
she was jumping to conclusions. Maybe she had misunderstood.  
  
"Tell me once again, Ben, how you think Phil has hurt you. Just  
so I can understand."  
  
"Well, Cat," Ben sighed. "You say that Phil still has  
feelings for me, yet she has made no attempt to contact me."  
  
Cat gripped his sleeve and pulled him to a stop. Turning to face him  
she said, "And you have made no attempt to contact Phil, either."  
  
Ben licked his lips nervously. "Well, that is true. But I wanted  
to be sure my call would be welcomed. I have seen no indication of that  
and I must, therefore, draw my own conclusions."  
  
"And your conclusion is that **you** are the one who has been  
hurt!" Cat snapped, poking her finger into his chest.  
  
"When you told me that you and Phil had met and become friends,  
I was filled with all sorts of hope. I thought there might be a chance  
that I could regain what I had lost all those years ago. But six months  
has passed, Cat��" Ben paused then continued, his voice  
filled with hopelessness, "�and Phil has done nothing. The  
pain is too much. I have to learn to live without love." Ben's  
tone was patient, like he was explaining something to a child.  
  
Cat stared at Ben, her mouth open. She couldn't believe what she had  
heard. What about Phil? What about Phil living without love? What  
about Lindy living, albeit briefly, without a father?  
  
"Love is something you have to work for, Ben. If you want a second  
chance with Phil, you have to do something about it. That is **if**  
you really want it. Do you Ben? Do you really want a second chance?  
Or are you afraid that Phil might forgive you?" She turned and  
strode off, not waiting for Ben's reaction.  
  
He caught up to her. "Are you OK, Cat? You seem a little....tense...."  
  
"I'm just **hungry** ," Cat said, through clenched teeth  
as she headed in the direction of the diner they had chosen for their  
supper.  
  
  
Most of Cat's anger dissipated during her meal, leaving a fine layer  
that added to the core of anxiety she had felt for many months now.   
They didn't speak much. By the time they headed to the Vecchio home,  
Cat had pushed her feelings back enough to carry on a conversation with  
Ben.  
  
"Are you still angry with me, Cat?" Ben asked as he followed  
her up the stairs to Ray's front door.  
  
"No, Ben, I'm not angry with you. I don't have the energy to be  
angry any more."  
  
She slid her key into the lock and opened the door. The sounds of men's  
voices came to them from inside the house. It sounded like a party.  
  
"Ray's poker game." Ben answered Cat's raised eyebrows and  
then fell silent.  
  
They stepped inside, shaking the snow from their shoes. In silence they  
removed their overcoats and hung them in the closet. Cat turned towards  
the kitchen, but Ben's hand on her arm stopped her.  
  
"Cat...." His voice was soft.  
  
She looked away from him and when she spoke he could hear weariness in  
her voice.  
  
"Look, Ben, I don't want to talk about it. I'm stunned that you  
think Phil was the one who hurt you. I'm not going to rehash the past  
with you, particularly not in this house. But, it seems to have slipped  
your mind that it was you who broke up with Phil in the first place and  
I don't think I need to remind you why." She looked at him, pointedly,  
then continued, "I don't know what's going on inside your head,  
but Phil has done nothing to hurt you. She not only had to deal with  
losing you, she had to deal with....." She broke off suddenly.  
  
In her mind Cat could clearly see Phil handing her the picture of Lindy  
all those months ago. She could see the pain in her features and she  
closed her eyes and swallowed before speaking. She had been too close  
to saying too much. Tears came to her eyes.  
  
"Ben, you don't know what you're saying. Let's just forget you  
said it." Her voice wavered as she spoke.  
  
Ben was shocked by Cat's emotional response and reached out to hold her,  
but Ray suddenly appeared in the doorway.  
  
"I thought I heard you two." Ray pretended he didn't see the  
tears in Cat's eyes. "Benny, wanna join us for a game of poker?"  
  
"Ray, you know I don't...." Ben protested.  
  
Cat stepped away from Ben and smiled brightly up at Ray. "I do and  
I'd love to join you."  
  
"You? Ah......" Ray looked over his shoulder towards the  
dining room, then gave a defeated shrug. "I guess it's OK."  
  
"Good." Cat smiled. She pushed past the two men and headed  
towards the poker table.  
  
In the dining room she smiled at the assembled mob. Huey, Welsh and  
Jackson from Narcotics all welcomed her. They had taken a liking to  
Cat at the New Years Party, but were surprised she was going to play  
poker with them. Cat took a seat opposite Lt Welsh, who was holding  
the undealt pack of cards.  
  
"Deal me in." She grinned at Welsh, who promptly did as he  
was bid.  
  
Ben groaned and looked at Ray. "Ray, ah, you might be, ah, how can  
I put this?" Ben looked towards Cat and shifted from foot to foot.  
"Ray you may be sorry you let Cat join you."  
  
Ray took his seat at the table again. "Nah. I ain't never met a  
woman who could beat me at poker."  
  
Ben just smiled and pulled up a chair at the far end of the table. He  
wanted to keep an eye on the proceedings.  
  
  
Two hours later Cat had most of the chips in front of her and the men  
were barely holding their own.  
  
Welsh threw his cards on the table. "That's cleaned me out."  
He pushed his chair away from the table and helped himself to another  
whiskey from the sideboard. He grinned at Cat in admiration. "Where  
the hell did you learn to play poker like that?"  
  
Ben answered for her, "My father."  
  
"What?"  
  
All eyes turned to look at Ben, who turned to Ray and shrugged. "I  
tried to tell you, Ray."  
  
Ray was clearly astounded. "You learned to play poker from a **Mountie**?"  
  
Cat chuckled and leaned back in her chair, grinning wickedly at the men  
around the table. "I sure did and I can tell you that the last  
time I played poker with Bob Fraser he was sorry he'd taught me so well."  
  
"What, you take the shirt off his back?" Huey asked with a  
smirk.  
  
"Literally."  
  
The men all laughed. Ben groaned loudly. "Oh, Cat, you're not going  
to tell **that** story are you?"  
  
Cat ignored Ben's protest and told the story of the last time she played  
poker with Bob Fraser.  
  
  
THE YUKON, 1994  
  
Buck Frobisher dealt a round of cards, trying to look dignified, which  
was difficult considering he wore nothing but his stetson. He fumbled  
the cards and dropped them. Bob Fraser stood up to collect them, but  
sat down again, remembering at the last minute that he too was buck naked,  
save for his stetson. Constable McLaughlin, sitting to Cat's left, got  
up to retrieve the lost cards. He, at least, was still wearing his  
underwear.  
  
"Give those cards here. I'll deal," Bob said, smugly. "Not  
only are you an incompetent poker player, Buck, you can't deal either."  
  
Buck sneered. "Well, Bob, if I'm such a bad poker player, perhaps  
you can explain how it is that you are wearing the same amount of clothing  
as me?"  
  
Bob Fraser snatched the cards from Buck, ignoring the barb, and dealt  
them to the six people around the table. All six players picked up their  
cards and inspected them carefully. Constable Brody threw all five down  
and immediately asked for another hand. Constable Lemieux and Constable  
McLaughlin took two. Cat took three. Bob and Buck kept the hands they  
were dealt.  
  
After a few minutes silence, the players looked speculatively around  
the table at each other. Brody was the first to lay his cards down.  
He had three threes. McLaughlin followed immediately with a pair of  
aces; Lemieux three sevens; and Buck, three nines. When it was Bob's  
turn he looked pretty smug. He laid a pair of queens and three kings  
on the table with a flourish.  
  
"Beat that, young lady," he said to the still nearly fully  
clothed Cat.  
  
Cat said nothing, her face a true 'poker face'. One by one she laid  
out her cards - four twos. Bob spluttered. Climbing to his feet, he  
suddenly remembered he was naked, again just at the last minute.  
  
Flustered, he whipped the stetson off his head and held it in front of  
him. "Now just a minute...."  
  
Everyone laughed.  
  
Cat grinned at him lazily. "Lose the stetson, Bob."  
  
He sat down again. "Cathy is this anyway to speak to a superior?  
You've been like a daughter to me. What would Benton say?" He flashed  
a winning smile at her. "Surely we can make some sort of deal?"  
  
Cat chuckled and leaned towards him. "Deal? What sort of deal are  
you talking here, Bob? You offering to be my slave?"  
  
Ray, Huey, Welsh and Jackson laughed so hard they could hardly speak.  
Ben turned rosy cheeked with embarrassment.  
  
Huey couldn't help but ask, "So did you make a deal, or did you  
send Fraser Senior and Frobisher out into the snow with nothing but their  
stetsons?"  
  
Cat smiled wistfully. "I was always going to let them get away with  
it, but Bob was such a joker. A few weeks earlier, when we first arrived  
in Inuvik, I met the new recruits, all of Bob's cadets. There was this  
one guy, Nicholas Lamont, who was too good looking for words. I made  
a comment about how well this kid filled out his jodhpurs and Bob teased  
me about it for weeks. He told me that if I didn't hold him to his poker  
debt, he'd have Lamont transferred to my command. Bob said I might be  
able to teach Lamont something and I know he wasn't referring to police  
skills."  
  
Everyone tittered with amusement, except Ben. "Cat, I can't believe  
you'd let my father do that!"  
  
"It was a joke, Ben. He always had silly jokes like that with me."  
  
"And did Lamont get transferred?" Welsh asked, still chuckling  
  
Cat's expression changed and she looked at the wall behind Welsh's head  
as she spoke. "Less than two weeks later Bob Fraser was dead."  
  
Suddenly all laughter ceased and the room fell silent. Ray hung his  
head, remembering the day he met Fraser and the 'dead Mountie' comment  
he had made and regretted ever since. Tears threatened to spill from  
Cat's eyes. Ben reached over and silently squeezed her hand, lost in  
his own sad memories.  
  
Several long minutes passed and then suddenly everyone was on their feet,  
making noises about going home. Huey offered to drop Ben home and within  
fifteen minutes all the men had left, leaving Cat and Ray alone in the  
Vecchio house. Ray moved around the room collecting empty bottles and  
glasses.  
  
"I'll help you, Ray." Cat moved to the other side of the  
table and began collecting things as well.  
  
"Thanks," Ray said in a hushed tone, smiling gently at her  
from the other side of the room.  
  
Cat smiled back, shocked that there had been no barb in Ray's reply.  
  
  
In the kitchen Ray took the glasses and plates from Cat and stacked them  
into the dishwasher in silence. Cat watched him for a while and noticed  
that his features seemed to have lost some of the hardness with which  
she had become so familiar.  
  
Eventually he spoke, "You and Benny's father were close?"  
  
"Yeah, I knew him before I even met Ben."  
  
"He never talks about him." Cat raised her eyebrows in surprise  
at the comment and Ray continued, "Not like you did anyway. He  
talks about his journals and things his father taught him, like some  
sort of super-hero. You made him sound real."  
  
She looked over at Ray, who shut the dishwasher and leaned against the  
counter watching her.  
  
Smiling sadly, her vision blurred as she remembered her old friend.   
"Some people would argue Bob Fraser was a super-hero." Shaking  
herself, she looked at Ray again. "You would have liked him, Ray."  
  
Suddenly Cat turned and filled the kettle to make tea. Tears threatened  
and she didn't want Ray to see. Her voice caught in her throat. "I've  
often wondered how father and son could be so different and how I could  
love them both so much."  
  
She thought about the things Ben had said to her earlier that night and  
wondered what Bob would have said to his son. That thought undid her.  
The tears Cat had fought all evening finally filled her eyes and hastily  
she turned and opened the cupboard to look for the tea. She stared at  
the inside of the cupboard for ages, unable to see through her veil of  
tears. Eventually Ray reached over her head, picked up the tea and  
put it in her hand.  
  
"Thanks," she mumbled, still keeping her back to Ray. No matter  
how civil he had been to her, she would not let him see how upset she  
was. She heard Ray behind her as she fumbled with her tea making.  
  
"You and Benny have a fight earlier?"  
  
Cat sighed, it appeared that Ray had overheard their conversation in  
the hall. "No, not really a fight. We just...Ben has some stupid  
idea in his head about something that happened a long time ago."  
She stopped and poured boiling water into the teapot. "I don't know  
why he thinks like this...after all that's happened..." Cat gave  
up the fight to stop the tears from trickling down her cheeks.  
  
"Is this about Victoria?" Ray's voice wavered with barely controlled  
anger.  
  
"Sort of... not directly....it's complicated...oh shit..."  
Cat buried her face in her hands.  
  
Spinning around she made for the doorway, trying to get out of the kitchen  
before she said too much. She knew Ben did not want Ray to know about  
Phil.  
  
Ray grabbed her arm and stopped her. "If Victoria is involved,  
I wanna know about it," he growled at her.  
  
She pulled her arm away and glared at Ray. "Do you think I'd let  
that bitch get her hooks into him again? If she was back you'd know  
about it." Cat calmed slightly, but the tears still came. "This  
is....before......it's....oh god...." She had gone too far now.  
Many months worth of stored emotions poured out of Cat as she dissolved  
into tears again.  
  
Ray panicked for a moment, then he gathered Cat into his arms and pulled  
her to his chest. The simple gesture moved her more than she thought  
possible and she sobbed into Ray's sweater. After a short hesitation  
Ray began making soothing noises and stroking Cat's hair. Eventually  
she calmed down and pulled away, embarrassed.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Ray..."  
  
"It's OK." His voice was calm, "Just tell me how this  
involves Victoria."  
  
Cat sighed again. Ray was not going to let up on this. "It's not  
her directly, Ray. If it was that simple I could deal with it."  
Ray handed her a silk handkerchief from his pocket and she wiped her  
eyes. "For nearly twelve years I've dealt with what that woman  
did to Ben's life. And now, just when I thought it was over, I'm beginning  
to realise she's screwed up his mind so much that he's thinking things  
that Ben Fraser shouldn't be thinking."  
  
"But she hasn't come back? Benny's not hiding anything from me?"  
  
Cat was warmed by Ray's concern for his friend. "Believe me, Ray,  
if Victoria were to come back, you'd be the first person I'd call. You're  
the only person who has as much reason to hate her as I do." She  
added silently, _'And neither you nor I have as much reason to hate  
her as Phil.'  
_  
"You got that right." Ray shifted uncomfortably, wondering  
how to handle Cat now. "Are you OK?"  
  
"Yes. I guess it got too much for me. I'm sorry for my outburst.  
Thank you."  
  
"It's OK."  
  
They looked at each other uncomfortably for a moment and then Cat said,  
"I think I'll go upstairs now." She smiled and backed away.  
"Goodnight"  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
Ray watched her go, wondering what it was that could cause the normally  
tough Sergeant Madden to fall apart. With a shake of his head he dismissed  
the thought and decided it was time for bed.  
  
On his way out of the kitchen Ray noticed that Cat had left her tea behind.  
At first he thought maybe she didn't want it but then, deciding he had  
offered so little in the way of comfort, the least he could do would  
be to take it up to her.  
  
He carried the mug carefully up the stairs towards his mother's room.  
When he got to the doorway the sight that met his eyes caused his hands  
to shake. The door was half-open and through the gap he could see Cat  
undressing. She had slipped off her jeans and sweater and stood dressed  
only in a lilac lace teddy. Such a sight, in his mother's bedroom no  
less, shocked him to the core.  
  
Ray took a deep, calming breath, trying not to think of the last woman  
he had seen in his mother's room. There was no comparing Casey and The  
Sergeant. He stepped away from the door, backing up to the top of the  
stairs.  
  
Nonchalantly he called out, "Hey, you left your tea in the kitchen.  
I've brought it up."  
  
When Cat appeared in the doorway she wore an oversized t-shirt and smiled  
gratefully at him. "That's very thoughtful of you, Ray. Thank  
you kindly." She took the mug from him.  
  
"You're welcome." He backed away to his room. "Goodnight."  
  
Ray slipped into his own room and hurriedly shut the door before she  
could wish him goodnight.  
  
Cat sipped her tea and closed the door to her room, surprised at Ray's  
thoughtfulness. She never expected to see this side of his nature.  
  
In his room Ray undressed quickly and got into bed. He lay on his back  
staring at the ceiling for a long time. Sleep would not come. The image  
of Sergeant Catherine Madden, RCMP, standing in his mother's bedroom  
clad only in a lace teddy, had burned itself into his mind.  
  
  
Cat jabbed impatiently at the elevator button. She had been restless  
ever since she got out of bed and she wanted to fix things **now**.  
After Ben's assertion of the night before, she knew it was time to stop  
being subtle. Time was running out. Something had to be done.  
  
Once she made the decision to give Phil her ultimatum, Cat was full of  
purpose and she was not going to waste any more time. Her instinct  
told her this was the only option left. With an intolerant huff she  
turned around looking for the stairs that would lead her to BakTrak's  
office.  
  
Cat strode into BakTrak wearing a look of such determination that only  
a fool would ignore it. Jeff Bowers opened his mouth to greet her and  
offer to call through to Phil, but when he saw the expression on Cat's  
face he thought better of it. He recognised a woman on a mission. Instead  
he mumbled hello and then buried his head in his work.  
  
Phil was hunched over her computer, working frantically and didn't hear  
Cat enter. Had she forgotten their lunch date?  
  
"Phil, its time for lunch." Cat stood in front of Phil's desk  
with her hands on her hips.  
  
Phil looked up at her guiltily, checked her watch and then shuffled some  
papers on her desk. "I'm sorry, I lost track of time. I'll just  
finish here." She turned back to her computer and saved the file  
she was working on.  
  
Cat tapped her foot while Phil finished with the computer and then gathered  
her coat and hat. Cat almost dragged her to the elevator.  
  
Jeff turned to Mark Kehr, who entered the main part of the office just  
as the women left.  
  
"Was that Cathy I just saw dragging Phil out of here?" Mark  
asked.  
  
"Yeah," he let out a whistle. "I don't know what's going  
on, but I don't think even a fully armed tank could have stopped her."  
  
Mark chuckled. "Cathy's like that. She might be only be five feet  
two, but she's tough. I once saw her drag a guy out of his truck. He  
was huge, about six foot six, three hundred fifty pounds. She had him  
crying for mama in no time flat." He looked at the door through  
which the two women had just disappeared. "I don't know what's  
going on, but Phil doesn't stand a chance."  
  
  
"You're serious aren't you?" Phil stared at Cat in surprise,  
once they were seated in a nearby restaurant.  
  
"Yes I am, Phil. I'm not going to let you do this any more, not  
to me and not to yourself." Cat emphasised her seriousness by jabbing  
a finger into the table as she spoke. "Either you admit that you  
still have feelings for Ben and let me arrange for you two to talk, or  
you prove that you don't care about him and never, ever mention his name  
to me again."  
  
"Oh my...." Phil was shocked, she had never heard Cat so determined.  
  
How did she really feel? Phil wasn't sure any more. She had to admit  
that she was a little hurt that Ben hadn't tried to locate her. Surely  
if he still cared about her, he would have made some effort to find her?  
The fact that he hadn't led Phil to believe that he didn't care. So,  
her feelings were irrelevant. After all he had done to her and after  
all this time, Ben was still able to hurt her and that made Phil angry.  
  
"Think about it, Phil, this is important. I care about you."  
Cat leaned across the table and placed her hand over Phil's. She watched  
as a range of emotions paraded across Phil's features and for a moment  
she thought maybe she had been too tough on her.  
  
Suddenly Phil sat back and fixed Cat with an equally determined glare.  
"Benton Fraser!" she stated, angrily. "There, that's the  
last time you'll ever hear me say that name!"  
  
Now it was Cat's turned to look shocked. This was not the response she  
expected. "You don't have to answer now, Phil. Think about it for  
a while."  
  
"No, I've decided." A strained smile appeared on Phil's face  
and she was overcome by an odd calm. "Simple really, don't know  
why I haven't done it before. In fact, I think we should celebrate.  
I'll order champagne." Heart pounding and palms sweating, why did  
she have this sudden urge to drink? She looked around the restaurant.  
"Waiter!"  
  
Cat sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. She had not counted on  
Phil's stubbornness.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry I can't make dinner, Ben. Something's come up."  
Cat looked anxiously across the near empty restaurant to where Phil was  
trying to dance with the waiter.  
  
"Oh, I see."  
  
Ben's voice was non-committal, but Cat knew he was thinking the worst.  
"No, Ben, it's not what you're thinking. I haven't picked up a  
man."  
  
Phil was singing to the waiter now.  
  
"Oh I didn't for one minute assume you had." He hesitated.  
This was odd behaviour for his friend and her voice sounded strange.  
In the background he could hear a woman singing an oddly familiar song  
and he frowned at the phone. "Are you alright, Cat?"  
  
"Yes, yes I'm fine. I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll call you later."  
Cat hung up and raced across the room to rescue the waiter.  
  
At the Consulate, Ben stared at the phone in his hand. Cat couldn't  
call him later, he didn't have a phone. Maybe he should stop by the  
Vecchio house later in the evening just to check that everything was  
OK. What was it about that voice in the background that was so familiar?  
  
  
TJ and Cat manhandled Phil into bed and tucked the blankets around her  
chin. She was asleep before they even got to the door.  
  
"Thanks for coming and collecting us TJ. I couldn't get her into  
a taxi." Cat said once they were in the living room.  
  
"No problem." He laughed. "It's been a while since I've  
seen my sister that drunk. I feel sorry for the waiter."  
  
Cat laughed, "Don't worry, I tipped him good."  
  
"She's stubborn isn't she?"  
  
"She sure is. Do you believe she'll never mention Ben's name again?"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Not for one minute." Cat smiled and looked towards Phil's  
room.  
  
TJ chuckled, "Me either. Come on, I'll take you home."  
  
  
  
"Nice house," TJ said as he escorted Cat up the path to the  
Vecchio home. "It's a damn sight better than that last place they  
had you in."  
  
Cat smiled to herself, wondering what TJ would think if he knew Ben lived  
in the neighbourhood he described. "Yeah, it is," she agreed.  
  
"Who lives here?"  
  
Cat was relieved that Ray wasn't home. She figured he was probably with  
Ben. "Oh, a friend of someone at the Consulate." She unlocked  
the front door and turned to face TJ. "Do you want to come in?"  
  
TJ wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You mean for **coffee**?"  
  
Cat whacked his arm playfully. "I told you. We're just friends."  
  
"You sure know how to break a guy's heart, Cat."  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Cat grinned in reply.  
  
"Anyway, I guess I need to get back and check on Phil." TJ  
shrugged his shoulders in mock defeat.  
  
"Well, thanks for bringing me home, TJ."  
  
"Thanks for taking care of my sister."  
  
They said their goodbyes. TJ turned and walked down the path to his  
car.  
  
Suddenly Ben appeared on the path in front of TJ.  
  
"Oh, Jesus." Cat cursed out loud. She hurried down the path  
to where the two men stood face to face.  
  
"Hello, Ben." TJ's voice was low. He wondered what Ben was  
doing in Chicago. Was he part of the same Canadian contingent that brought  
Cat to Chicago?  
  
"Hello, TJ." Ben replied. His mind raced. What was TJ doing  
in Chicago? Why didn't Cat tell him she was seeing TJ? What was going  
on with them? She had led him to believe they would not be pursuing  
a relationship.  
  
Cat placed a hand on Ben's arm. "Ben, would you mind waiting for  
me inside."  
  
Ben nodded expressionlessly at TJ and moved up the path and into the  
house.  
  
Cat turned to face TJ. "Oh god, I'm sorry...."  
  
He looked in the direction Ben had gone. "You should have told me  
Ben was in Chicago."  
  
Cat ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "Rob asked me not to."  
  
"Rob knows?"  
  
Cat nodded. "Ben was in hospital last year and Rob was his doctor."  
  
"Last year? How long has he been here?"  
  
"Three years."  
  
"Oh shit, Cat....what do we do now?"  
  
"For gods sakes, don't tell Phil."  
  
"No way."  
  
Cat cast a nervous glance towards the house. "I don't know what  
I'm going to say to Ben."  
  
"I'm sure he's got a lot of questions for you." TJ smiled  
and squeezed her hand.  
  
  
  
"So TJ is why you couldn't make dinner tonight?" Cat heard  
Ben's voice from the living room as she entered the Vecchio house.  
  
"No." Cat stepped into living room, hesitating before crossing  
the floor to sit down next to Ben. "But I did ask TJ to help me  
with a situation that arose."  
  
"And this wasn't something I could have helped you with?" There  
was a bitter edge to Ben's voice that surprised them both.  
  
"No."  
  
Ben sighed and leaned his arms on his knees, bowing his head. "TJ  
works at the Field Museum, doesn't he?"  
  
"Yes," Cat admitted. "He's Curator of Aboriginal Artefacts."  
  
"I see." The tonelessness of his response was worse than any  
angry words he could have said.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ben...."  
  
"You should have told me, Cat." He got up and paced across  
the room, fighting the anger and hurt welling up inside him. In the  
back of his mind he wondered why this upset him so, but he pushed the  
thought away.  
  
Cat looked down at her feet and spoke in a low voice. "Rob didn't  
want TJ to know that you were in Chicago. Plus Phil asked me not to  
tell you where she was. Based on that, I figured it meant I shouldn't  
tell you TJ was living in Chicago."  
  
He turned to face her. "Is TJ the reason you came to Chicago?"  
  
"No!" Cat snapped her head up to look at Ben. "I wanted  
to spend some time with you."  
  
Ben didn't answer. Instead, he walked over to the window and peered  
out onto the street. _Could he believe that?_ _Did Cat really  
come to Chicago to spend time with him? _Up until a few minutes ago  
he would have believed it without question. Now he wasn't so sure.   
He spoke in a soft voice full of pain that made Cat feel sick with guilt.  
  
"I came here to check that you were OK." Ben looked at her  
over his shoulder. "I was worried after you called today."  
  
His thoughtfulness touched her. Cat smiled weakly, tears filling her  
eyes. "I'm fine."  
  
"Yes I can see that." Ben walked over and collected his stetson  
from the coffee table. "I'll be going now."  
  
He turned and headed to the door. His heart thudded in his chest. He  
couldn't believe that Cat would hide something like this from him. He  
could not escape the feeling of betrayal welling inside him.  
  
Cat followed him. "Ben..."  
  
He stopped at the door and gave her an odd, pained smile. "Goodnight,  
Cat."  
  
He opened the door and left without another word. Cat watched him go.  
There was no point trying to say anything. He was just as stubborn as  
Phil. Tears spilled from her eyes and she slammed the front door.  
  
"Shit! Shit! Shit!" she yelled into the empty hallway. She  
kicked the wall but it did no good, so she headed upstairs to take a  
bath.  
  
  
  
Cat was pulling on a pair of soft woollen leggings when she heard the  
unmistakable sound of Ray's Buick Riviera in the driveway. She pulled  
on a sweater and checked her appearance in the mirror. The last time  
she saw Ray she was crying and she didn't want him to think that was  
all she did.  
  
Cat made her way down the stairs in darkness, surprised that Ray hadn't  
turned on any lights. She had definitely heard him come inside. As  
she neared the foot of the stairs Cat made out the shape of Ray Vecchio  
sitting on the bottom step, head buried in his hands.  
  
"Ray?" she called out softly.  
  
Startled, he looked at her over his shoulder. "I...I didn't hear  
you."  
  
Ray's voice wavered and something about his tone scared her.  
  
"Are you OK?" Cat stepped around him and leaned over to turn  
on the lamp sitting on the hallstand.  
  
Looking back at Ray, she saw a large quantity of blood on his clothing.  
"Jesus Christ, Ray, what happened?" She dropped to her knees  
in front of him and tore at his overcoat trying to see underneath.  
  
He grabbed at her hands and stopped her. "It's OK. Not my blood."  
  
Cat sat back on her heels and let out a heavy sigh. "Thank god.  
Are you OK?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm OK," Ray answered wearily, as he stood and removed  
his overcoat, revealing the full extent of his bloodstained suit underneath.  
He gave a bitter smile as he spoke, "Looks like I've ruined another  
suit and, the funny thing is, Fraser wasn't even involved this time."  
  
He slipped out of his jacket and held it in his left hand. He started  
at it for a moment before bowing his head and leaning on the banister,  
exhausted.  
  
"What happened?" Cat asked gently.  
  
Ray took a deep breath and released it slowly before answering. "Bust  
went wrong." He looked again at the jacket in his hand. "And  
I've wrecked another fucking suit."  
  
Cat stood close behind him and gently pulled the jacket from his hand.  
"Ray, get out of these clothes and take a shower. You'll feel better  
then."  
  
He hesitated and then nodded.  
  
"Give me your shirt."  
  
Without complaint, Ray unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off his shoulders,  
handing it to Cat without even looking at her. She took it and watched  
as Ray started up the stairs.  
  
"Ma's got something in the laundry room for blood..." his voice  
trailed off.  
  
"It's OK, Ray, I can fix your shirt. The jacket will have to go  
to the cleaners tomorrow, but I can fix your shirt."  
  
Ray nodded meekly and continued up the stairs. Cat took the soiled clothing  
into the laundry and took care of it, just as she had promised.  
  
  
Cat was making tea when Ray came into the kitchen dressed in grey sweats.  
She was a little surprised. She had never seen him in anything so casual.  
  
"Thanks for taking care of my clothes."  
  
"No problem. Can I get you some coffee?" Cat turned to see  
Ray collecting ice from the refrigerator.  
  
"No, thanks. I need a scotch." He headed back to the living  
room.  
  
Cat thought for a moment and then switched off the kettle. "I'll  
join you," she said to Ray as she followed him into the living room.  
She'd had a pretty bad day too.  
  
"Ice?" Ray asked without looking at her.  
  
"Neat."  
  
He poured a large measure and handed it to her, then threw himself down  
on the sofa.  
  
"You ever shot anyone?" he asked inspecting the contents of  
his glass.  
  
Cat sighed and joined Ray on the sofa. So that's what this was about.  
"Only once, and I was sick about it for days." Cat sipped at  
her scotch and waited for Ray to continue.  
  
"Well this was worse." He looked up at her, eyes shiny with  
unshed tears. He took a large mouthful of scotch.  
  
Cat didn't speak, she waited for Ray to talk.  
  
"I've been tailing this dealer for months, a low-life kid. Today  
he was gonna lead us to his Mr Big. Shoulda been a textbook bust."  
Ray rubbed one hand over his face. "But as soon as the kid realised  
I was a cop he put a gun in his mouth and.....and he.....he....blew his  
fucking head off." Ray swallowed the rest of his drink.  
  
"Oh god, Ray, I'm so sorry....." Cat trailed off. She could  
think of nothing to say that didn't sound trite.  
  
She shifted uncomfortably. Cat and Ray weren't exactly close. In fact,  
until yesterday, they barely had a civil word to say to each other.   
It worried her that he was exposing himself to her like this. Tomorrow  
he might hate her even more for seeing him in this vulnerable state.  
  
"Do you want me to call Ben?"  
  
Ray got up and poured another drink. "No, he doesn't need to know  
about this. I'm fine."  
  
Ray sat down again and sipped heavily at his scotch.  
  
Cat wondered if she was going to have to watch someone else get drunk  
today.  
  
Ray was surprised to find himself speaking so freely to this woman.   
After last night, when she burst into tears, he realised she wasn't the  
hard-hearted bitch he thought her to be. Ray found it oddly comforting  
that she was sitting on the sofa, drinking scotch with him and sharing  
the events of his day. He hadn't talked to a woman like this for a long  
time. Not since Casey.  
  
"Have you eaten?" Cat asked eventually.  
  
Ray snorted. "You joking? I was in debrief for six hours. They  
wouldn't even let me pee."  
  
"Let me get you something to eat then." Cat was on her feet  
flying to the kitchen before he could protest. This was the only comfort  
she could think to offer Ray that wouldn't put him at a disadvantage.  
  
  
Forty-five minutes later Ray wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.  
He never suspected Cat could cook like this. If his mother found out,  
she'd have them married off so fast their heads would spin.  
  
He smiled at her. "Only my mother's matriciana is better."  
  
Cat was taken aback. Coming from an Italian son, but more importantly  
from Ray Vecchio, this was lavish praise indeed. "Thanks, Ray.  
" She smiled back. "You feeling better now?"  
  
"Yeah, thanks."  
  
Cat stood up and began clearing the dishes away. Ray watched her from  
the kitchen table.  
  
"You're different than I thought....." he started, but broke  
off with a shrug of his shoulders.  
  
Cat turned to face him, a faint smile on her lips. "You mean I'm  
not as much of a bitch as you thought?"  
  
Ray looked embarrassed, "Well....."  
  
"It's OK, Ray. You're not what I thought you were either."  
  
They looked at each other smiling, as if seeing each other for the first  
time. As Ray held her gaze Cat felt desire build and it shocked her.  
Could she actually feel desire for Ray Vecchio - a man who gave the appearance  
of hating women with an opinion?  
  
Ray let his eyes sweep over Cat. He liked what he saw. He shifted in  
his seat to stifle the stirring in his groin. Could he actually be attracted  
to a woman like this?  
  
  
  
Cat's first visit the next day was to Phil, who looked worse for wear.  
Phil opened the door of her apartment and groaned when she saw Cat.  
  
"I'm so embarrassed," was her greeting as she ushered Cat inside.  
  
Cat chuckled at the other woman. "You were rather amusing though,  
Phil."  
  
"I told you I wasn't much of a drinker, Cat. Now you know why.  
I tend to lose control of my actions and do things I regret." Phil  
recalled a particularly embarrassing incident that had happened several  
years ago. At least she hadn't performed a strip tease for the waiter!  
"I haven't changed my mind."  
  
Cat was disappointed. "I know. TJ told me you asked him to take  
your box of Ben's memorabilia."  
  
"I think it's for the best. I'm over the shock of knowing that  
he knows you and I are friends. And I think� no, I **know**  
that he's out of my system now."  
  
Cat smiled at Phil, but in her heart she knew Phil was not telling the  
truth.  
  
  
  
The greeting Cat got from Ben at the consulate later in the day was not  
so warm. He looked up from his work as she entered his office.  
  
"Hi, Ben."  
  
"Hello, Cat."  
  
Cat shut the door and sat down.  
  
"Inspector Thatcher prefers that I keep the door open..." he  
warned her with a patronising look. He had been waiting for this visit,  
and now Cat was here, he allowed the hurt and anger he had suppressed  
all day to resurface.  
  
"I don't care." Cat secretly hoped that Thatcher would come  
and give her an opportunity to lose her temper. She too had suppressed  
anger and hurt all day. "I want to talk to you about last night."  
  
"There's nothing to talk about, Cat." Ben looked down and  
continued with his work. "You shouldn't have hidden the fact that  
TJ is in Chicago from me. Quite frankly I feel rather hurt."  
  
Cat let out a huff of air and sat back in her chair. Ben refused to  
look at her.  
  
"You know, Ben, your attitude over the past couple of days is pretty  
strange. First of all, you tell me that you've worked Phil out of your  
system because she's hurt you so badly. And then you get upset with  
me for not telling you that her brother is in the same city."  
  
Ben rolled his eyes and looked up at her, laying his pencil on the desk  
with a long-suffering sigh. "It's not about TJ. It's about the  
fact that **you** hid something from **me**. After all these years,  
after all we've been through, you don't trust me."  
  
"Oh for gods sakes, Ben, it's got nothing to do with me trusting  
you. I'm honouring the request someone else made. How would you feel  
if I gave Phil your address after you'd asked me not to? Someone else  
trusted **me**."  
  
Ben listened to his friend speak, then answered. But his answer made  
Cat think he had heard an entirely different set of words than the ones  
she had spoken.  
  
Ben felt a stab of perverse pleasure at being the one to inflict pain  
for a change.  
  
"All the woman in my life have eventually hurt me, Cat. First Victoria,  
then Phil .....and now you. It seems that the only woman I can trust  
now is Becka."  
  
Cat stared at him open-mouthed, too stunned to speak. After what seemed  
like an eternity, she got to her feet feeling very shaky. Ben did not  
move.  
  
"Fuck you," she said, then turned on her heel and left. She  
didn't start to cry until she was two blocks away from the Consulate.  
  
Ben didn't look up as Cat left. When he heard the door slam behind her  
he sat back in his chair and pressed the heels of his hands into his  
eyes. He wondered why the only way he could deal with his emotions was  
to inflict pain on the ones he loved.  
  
  
  
Cat paced in TJ's office while his secretary went off to find him. The  
birdlike woman eyed her suspiciously. Cat wasn't surprised. She knew  
she must look frightful. She was thankful she wasn't wearing mascara.  
Cat looked up when TJ entered the room.  
  
"Whoa, Cat, it looks like you're not having a very good day,"  
TJ said gently, crossing the room and taking Cat into his arms.  
  
She accepted the hug and tried not to cry again. "You can say that  
again."  
  
"Let me guess, this has something to do with last night?"  
  
"Got it in one." Cat moved out of TJ's arms and sat down on  
the edge of his desk. "Ben's pretty pissed off with me and he said  
some things that hurt a bit. I needed to see a friendly face."  
  
TJ smiled and sat down next to her. "Just for the record, I understand  
why you didn't tell me. I'm not pissed off with you." Although  
he had only known Cat for a relatively short time, he knew he could trust  
her completely. He wondered what it was about Ben Fraser that could  
encourage the trust of the two strongest women he knew. Was there something  
in this man that was unable to deal with strong women and took pleasure  
in cutting them down?  
  
Cat laughed, "Thanks, TJ."  
  
"So, does this mean I have to go and beat the shit out of Ben on  
your behalf?" TJ asked, his voice tinged with laughter.  
  
"No need, I'm thinking of doing it myself."  
  
They both laughed and Cat felt infinitely better than she had five minutes  
earlier. TJ patted Cat's hand and stood up.  
  
"Come on, I'll give you a ride home. The weather report said a snowstorm  
is brewing and you'll have a hard time getting a taxi."  
  
"It's OK. I'd rather take my chances."  
  
TJ smiled and shook his head. _'Strong and stubborn,'_ he thought.  
  
  
The falling snow was heavier than expected and a cold wind blew from  
the lake. Cat hugged her coat around her body and wished she had taken  
TJ up on his offer of a ride. The weather had taken a very sudden turn.  
She knew there wasn't much of a chance of getting a taxi so she continued  
to walk. Cat knew it would take at least half an hour. The walk would  
do her good. She wanted to work out some of the hurt and anxiety she  
felt.  
  
The snow continued to fall and Cat grew more miserable. Ten minutes  
later, when she heard the familiar purr of a Buick Riviera beside her,  
she was relieved. As she got in the car and greeted Ray she realised  
that a week ago he would have been the last person she wanted to see.  
  
As Ray smiled at her and talked about his day the thought occurred to  
Cat that a week ago he wouldn't have stopped to pick her up.  
  
"I called Benny and invited him over for dinner, but he said he  
wanted to be alone tonight." Ray looked at Cat expectantly, as if  
she might be able to shed some light on their friend's behaviour.  
  
"Oh yeah?" she replied, trying to keep her voice calm.  
  
"You see him today?" Ray stuttered a bit, obviously not yet  
comfortable with asking Cat about Ben. "I mean, he sounded weird.  
Is he OK?"  
  
"Ben's being an asshole," Cat replied in a stoic voice, eyes  
focussed on the road in front of them.  
  
Ray looked over and noticed for the first time that Cat had been crying.  
"What's goin' on?" he asked in a gentle voice.  
  
Cat knew that a week earlier he would have asked 'what did you do to  
him?' She took a deep breath and turned a brilliant smile in Ray's direction.  
"Things aren't working out the way I'd hoped and I'm just feeling  
tired and emotionally drained."  
  
Ray looked at her briefly, wanting to ask more, but thought better of  
it. He returned his attention to the road and spoke again. "And  
hungry I hope. I cooked up a storm and now Fraser's not coming. There's  
enough to feed you and me for a week."  
  
Ray was confused by what he saw happening between Ben and Cat. He knew  
they had been friends for a long, long time and friends sometimes argued.  
But this seemed different. There was a lot more going on than either  
Ben or Cat was willing to divulge. He and Cat had never been close,  
or even friendly, so he didn't expect to get answers from her, but Fraser  
was a different story. He would press Ben when he saw him next.  
  
  
Cat mounted the stairs as Ray hung his overcoat in the hall closet.   
He looked at Cat with concern. "Are you OK?"  
  
She stopped on the stairs and smiled warmly at the man below. "I've  
had a bad day, but give me ten minutes to shower and change. When I come  
back down, I expect you to have poured me a glass of that cheap Italian  
wine you drink."  
  
"Cheap wine? I'm insulted." Ray laughed. "It's fine wine  
from the old country."  
  
  
Cat sipped at the deep red liquid in the glass Ray handed her and closed  
her eyes, savouring the taste. He was right. It was fine wine. When  
she opened her eyes again Ray was watching her.  
  
"You gonna tell me what's goin' on with you and Benny?" He  
couldn't stop his curiousity. Ray wanted to know how someone like Ben  
could upset someone as resilient and headstrong as this woman.  
  
"Ah, Ray, it's too long a story. But, I will tell you this, sometimes  
that sweet and oh so nice Mountie we know and love can be as big a jerk  
as anyone else." Ray's eyebrows shot up. She continued, waving  
her hands at him, "We'll sort this out soon enough. We've been through  
worse." _Much worse_ , Cat thought to herself, remembering  
the time Ben told her about Victoria.  
  
"OK, OK, I won't ask." Ray returned his attention to the stove.  
  
Cat tossed the salad, the only thing Ray would let her do. Their relationship  
had changed so quickly. She knew she had treated him poorly in the past.  
She felt the need to make amends.  
  
"I wasn't very nice to you the first time we met, Ray. I'm sorry."  
  
He answered without turning around. "It's OK. Neither was I."  
He gave a particularly energetic stir to the pot and then continued,  
remembering the night The Sergeant had charged into Cook County making  
demands. "I was so worried about Benny, then you stormed in and  
started ordering the doctor around. I didn't know what to think."  
  
For a moment Cat remembered that time in the hospital. "And all  
I could think was 'who is this pushy Italian who's claiming to be Ben's  
next-of-kin'." She remembered her own fear. She was embarrassed  
when she thought about how she had spoken to Rob. Her thoughts strayed  
from Rob to Phil and a wave of sadness washed over her. All of her attempts  
to help her friends had been disastrous.  
  
Ray's voice brought her attention back. "I was so suspicious. You  
know, everyone I'd met from Fraser's past had hurt him and most of them  
had tried to kill him. Even his own sister. I had no reason to think  
you were any different." He faced Cat. "He never mentioned  
you, not once. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I didn't even  
know he had a sister until I met Becka."  
  
"That's the way he is, Ray. I thought you'd know that by now."  
  
"But even now, he rarely talks about you. I don't know anything  
about you. I don't even know how you met." Ray chuckled to himself  
as he pulled dinner plates from the oven. "I bet he saved you in  
the middle of a blizzard somewhere in the Yukon. Yeah, probably in that  
place he grew up ...... Runamukluk.... that's it."  
  
Cat laughed with Ray. "Actually it was spring and Ben appeared on  
my doorstep."  
  
"On your doorstep? Now this I gotta hear."  
  
"Ah, Ray, it's a long story."  
  
"I got all night."  
  
Cat shrugged and refilled their wineglasses as Ray piled two plates full  
of chicken cacciatore. When they were seated at the dining table Cat  
told Ray the story of how Ben Fraser had entered her life.  
  
  
SPRING 1980  
Cathy Madden stood at her kitchen bench making a batch of protein rich  
gruel to feed the injured long tailed weasel residing in her the room  
that had once been her mother's office. A knock sounded at the door  
and she cursed under her breath. It was probably someone with another  
injured animal. Since she became involved with animal rescue several  
years earlier, she had come to fear spring. It was the time of year  
that all wildlife carers loved and dreaded in equal measure. With a  
sigh, she put down her mixing spoon and headed to the front door, fully  
expecting to find one of her neighbours bearing a squirrel that had been  
hit by a car or a young bird fallen from its nest.  
  
Instead, Cathy found a tall, very handsome man in a Mountie uniform.  
His face was familiar. A name quickly popped into her mind. Their paths  
had crossed at the Academy. She noticed he was holding his left hand  
against his woollen jacket as if sheltering something underneath. When  
he spoke, Cathy looked up from where his hand rested on his jacket, to  
a pair of clear blue eyes that she was sure could be dangerous. The  
Mountie smiled at her.  
  
"Good evening, Constable Madden. I don't know if you remember me,  
I'm Benton Fraser." He extended his right hand and Cathy shook  
it, returning his smile.  
  
"Yes, I remember. Please, come in. It's a little cool out there."  
He nodded and stepped into the entranceway as she closed the door behind  
him.  
  
"What can I do for you, Constable Fraser?" Cathy mirrored his  
extreme courtesy.  
  
"Sergeant McPherson suggested I come to you. I understand you take  
injured wildlife?"  
  
"Yes, I do. You got something in there?" She pointed to where  
he still held his left hand against his chest.  
  
"Yes, however, it's not exactly 'wildlife'......" Fraser stopped  
in mid-sentence as Cathy reached over and grabbed his lapels and looked  
inside his jacket.  
  
"Oh my god, this is the smallest kitten I've ever seen. What happened  
to the mother?" Cathy looked up at him and for a second they both  
stopped. _'Yes, those eyes are definitely dangerous,'_ she thought  
to herself as she tore her eyes away from his.  
  
Fraser cleared his throat before speaking again. "Well, I don't  
actually know. I found the kitten today whilst carrying out my duties.  
I wasn't able to locate the mother."  
  
Cathy plunged her hands into the front of his jacket. Fraser sucked  
in his breath as her hands fluttered against his chest. Cathy removed  
her hands and the kitten from his jacket and he let out the breath he  
was holding as she stepped away.  
  
"It's only about two weeks old," Cathy said as she headed towards  
the kitchen.  
  
Fraser waited for a moment, then followed her into the kitchen. "Will  
it live?" he asked.  
  
"Oh yes." She smiled up at him reassuringly and then turned  
back to the kitten. "I don't normally get domestic animals, but  
I'm a sucker for cats. I love them." She smiled at him again.  
  
Cathy leaned over and grabbed a small towel from a kitchen drawer. She  
wrapped the kitten in the towel and handed it back to Fraser. She pointed  
to a stool.  
  
"Here. Hold him for a minute while I get a hot water bottle and  
prepare some food."  
  
A few minutes later Cathy returned with a small box, a hot water bottle  
and a tiny dropper. She placed the items on the bench and filled a kettle  
with water.  
  
"Can I get you some coffee? Or tea?"  
  
"Yes. Whichever you're making. If it's no trouble."  
  
"You can have either."  
  
"Tea, please. Thank you, Constable Madden."  
  
Cathy wondered if he was always this polite. "Oh, it's Cathy, please.  
Constable makes me feel so official."  
  
He nodded his relief. "Cathy is much nicer."  
  
"Thanks. Now what do I call you? Benton?"  
  
"My friends call me Ben. Only my father calls me Benton."  
  
"OK, Ben. By the way, I know your father. I spent six weeks with  
him in Regina during my cadetship. He's almost legendary."  
  
  
While the kettle boiled Cathy mixed a batch of a mammal milk formula  
provided to wildlife carers by the local vet. She prepared a box with  
the hot water bottle wrapped in old, soft towels and placed it on the  
bench between them. She then made the tea and swapped Ben a mug of tea  
for the kitten. When the bottle was prepared she offered the tiny teat  
to the kitten who, after some false starts, began sucking hungrily.  
  
Ben watched in fascination as the tiny animal kneaded the towel in which  
it was swaddled, its face a study in rapture. Cathy cooed and talked  
to the animal as it fed and Ben became fascinated by the way the pair  
interacted. By the time the kitten had finished, Ben was grinning happily.  
  
Once the animal was toileted, Cathy installed it in the box, nestled  
in amongst the towels. She put the box in a quiet spot in the living  
room. Ben still grinned. The effect was not lost on Cathy. She invited  
him to help her feed the rest of the animals and then stay for dinner.  
To Cathy's delight, he accepted eagerly. She looked forward to getting  
to know this handsome man.  
  
After dinner she took him on a tour of the property. He was curious  
about many things, but his politeness would not allow him to ask those  
questions. Cathy observed him during the course of the evening. Her  
sixth sense told her there was more to this man than met the eye. Although,  
what met the eye was more than enough! She couldn't tell what it was,  
but she knew, without doubt, that Ben Fraser would feature prominently  
in her life.  
  
Ben left, reluctantly, at 11.30pm. Cathy stood on her front porch and  
watched the taillights of his battered old jeep disappear down the driveway.  
Her sixth sense told her they were connected in some, strange way. She  
hadn't seen the last of him. She knew it.  
  
The next evening, about half an hour after she arrived home, Cathy heard  
a car in the drive. From upstairs, she peeked out her bedroom window  
to see Ben Fraser climb out of his vehicle. It was just as she had expected.  
  
Ben came every night for two weeks. Initially, he said he wanted to  
help with the kitten and learn about the other animals in Cathy's care.  
But, after the first few days it was apparent he enjoyed Cathy's company  
as well. They found they had many common interests. Ben was fascinated  
when she told him her parents were zoologists. The house where Cathy  
lived belonged to her parents who were currently living on a scientific  
research station conducting a study of the local polar bear population.  
  
After the first week they stopped pretending their only interest was  
the kitten, which Cathy named Laura on the spur of moment one warm evening.  
Eventually, the time they spent together began to include more than caring  
for the kitten. Cathy found herself more and more attracted to the tall,  
blue-eyed man who had entered her life.  
  
Cathy was not accustomed to men with his inherent shyness. She began  
to despair of Ben Fraser ever making a move on her. Although only 20,  
Cathy was experienced in the ways of the world and had had her share  
of lovers. At 16 she lost her virginity to a young Cree man who worked  
at the local lumber yard and delivered the Madden family firewood. Her  
second lover was a musician eight years her senior. He rode a large,  
noisy motorcycle and Cathy's parents had strongly disapproved of him.  
He had fascinated Cathy with his devil eyes and mesmerising voice as  
he sang to her, "Ooh baby you're lovin' is so mean, how did you  
get to be 25 at 17." The memory of it still made her shudder with  
pleasure.  
  
After two weeks of Ben's visits and still no sign of any romantic interest,  
Cathy decided it was time to take things into her own hands. The next  
evening, when Ben arrived at his usual time, she was prepared.  
  
  
Cathy smiled and took a final look in the mirror as she heard Ben's car  
in the drive. Satisfied with what she saw, she pulled a cotton summer  
dress over the white lace teddy she wore and went downstairs to greet  
her guest.  
  
Ben stood on her doorstep, clutching a bunch of lilacs. "Good evening,  
Cathy."  
  
"Hi, Ben, come in."  
  
"Thank you." He handed her the flowers. "For you."  
  
"Thank you! They're lovely." She smiled and reached up to  
kiss his cheek. He flushed and looked uncomfortable. Cathy wondered  
if Ben knew that lilacs were believed to represent the first stirrings  
of love.  
  
Ben took Laura onto the verandah and fed her while Cathy prepared a meal.  
She watched him from the kitchen as she cooked, trying to decide the  
best way to handle this shy man. She was certain the attraction was  
mutual, but it surprised her that Ben had done nothing about it. She  
would have to keep a close eye on him tonight.  
  
During their meal Cathy watched Ben carefully to make sure that she had  
read his signals correctly. By the time they were clearing away the  
dinner dishes, she was convinced it was time to make her move. With  
a satisfying slam she shut the dishwasher and turned it on, then turned  
to Ben and smiled. He smiled back, looking at her with those eyes still  
as dangerous as they were the first night they had met.  
  
She stepped towards him and reached one hand up to his shoulder, placing  
a gentle kiss on his lips. Ben made a small, whimpering sound and pulled  
her to him, pressing his lips against hers. It was a clumsy kiss and  
he let her go quickly. She eyed him for a second, taking in the flush  
on his cheeks and his speeding pulse. It was a good sign.  
  
"Would you like to spend the night?" Cathy asked, in a sultry  
voice  
  
Ben's eyes widened then he stepped away from her. "I...... I think.........I  
should be going." He licked his lips and shuffled backwards uncomfortably,  
realising that he sounded like he wanted to get away from her. "I  
mean.....it's late......and ......I have an early start tomorrow."  
  
He continued backwards through the living room now, stumbling over things  
as he went. Cathy followed him, wondering what made him so nervous.  
What had she done wrong? In the living room he collected his hat.  
  
"Thank you for dinner. It was lovely, as usual. Good night."  
  
He opened the front door and fled, leaving Cathy confused. She watched  
his taillights as they disappeared down her drive, wondering how she  
had misread his signals.  
  
  
Cathy didn't see Ben for three days. She ran into him at the Depot one  
morning as he read the notice board.  
  
"Hi, Ben," she said casually, wandering up to him.  
  
He turned to face her and Cathy's first thought was that he looked like  
a deer caught in someone's headlights.  
  
"Oh, um, hello, Cathy." He pulled nervously at his collar  
with his fingers. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine, I haven't seen you for a few days." Cathy stepped  
into his personal space, just to see what reaction she would get.  
  
"No, ah, I've been....rather busy...." He shuffled his feet.  
"I'm sorry.....ah....will you excuse me? Sergeant McPherson will  
be expecting me."  
  
Cathy smiled and let him step around her. She'd just had a conversation  
with Sergeant McPherson in the corridor and she knew he was on his way  
to the cafeteria for a coffee break.  
  
  
That night when she got home Cathy found a box of cat food on her verandah.  
Perched on top of the box was a large bunch of white daisies. Cathy  
grinned to herself as she carried the box inside. She suspected that  
Ben knew that white daisies traditionally mean 'I'll think about it'.  
  
This went on for several weeks. Whenever their paths crossed at work,  
Ben made excuses and rushed off. On more than one occasion, whilst in  
conversation with a colleague, Cathy would feel a tingle in her spine  
and know that someone's eyes were on her. When she turned around she  
found Ben watching her intently from a distance. She wasn't sure what  
it meant. A few more times Cathy found boxes of catfood on her doorstep,  
but there were no more flowers. She was confused by the mixed messages.  
Somewhere in her heart Cathy knew that Ben would figure in her life,  
but it seemed as though the controllers of their fate had neglected to  
tell Ben.  
  
A month after the disastrous kiss in her kitchen, Cathy wondered if she  
should give up on the handsome but shy Mountie. Benton Fraser wasn't  
the only good looking man in the RCMP and some of the others were beginning  
to pay her a lot of attention. In the cafeteria one morning Cathy was  
flirting outrageously with a colleague - a tall, broad-chested man with  
a shock of blonde hair and not much in the way of intelligence. She  
felt eyes on her again. It was the familiar tingle she had come to associate  
with Ben Fraser. When she turned around he was watching her from the  
other side of the cafeteria. He held her gaze for a moment then turned  
and walked away. Cathy returned her attention to the blonde man and  
continued to flirt. If Ben Fraser wanted her, he would have to come  
and get her.  
  
That night it was way too hot to eat. Cathy pulled a beer from the refrigerator  
and stepped out onto the back verandah to enjoy the cool evening breeze.  
Laura followed her on unsteady legs. She was becoming more adventurous  
every day. Cathy had already decided to keep the purring ball of fur.  
After playing with Laura for some time, Cathy thought she heard a sound  
in her driveway. Her ears pricked up. Was that Ben's jeep? Or was  
she imagining it? She listened, but all she could hear was the blood  
pounding in her ears. A minute later a knock sounded at the door and  
she leapt to her feet and flew to answer it.  
  
She stopped in the middle of the living room and took three deep breaths.  
She didn't want to seem too eager. When she finally opened the door  
the sight that met her eyes made her blood pressure rise. Ben wore a  
white t-shirt, an old denim jacket and a look that could only be described  
as hungry. Cathy would remember the fire blazing in his blue eyes for  
the rest of her life. A muscle twitched in Ben's cheek as they contemplated  
each other.  
  
"Can I come in?" he eventually asked, his voice huskier than  
she remembered.  
  
"Yes, of course." She stepped aside, feeling a little light-headed.  
She was right the first night they met, those eyes were dangerous.  
  
"I don't know why I'm here." His arms hung by his sides and  
he barely moved.  
  
She smiled at him. "Yes, you do."  
  
He looked at her without smiling then handed her a bunch of jonquils  
that she hadn't noticed before. That didn't surprise her, she wasn't  
sure she even knew her own name at that moment. Cathy smiled as she  
took the flowers. All doubts about whether or not Ben knew the meaning  
of flowers were pushed from her mind. Depending on which school of thought  
you followed, jonquils could mean 'affection returned' or 'desire'.   
Either way, the message was clear and he was there, in her living room,  
in all his masculine splendour. Her heart raced.  
  
Cathy smiled and walked into the living room, indicating that he should  
follow.  
  
"Can I get you something? I'm having a beer."  
  
"Yes. Beer." Ben's reply was almost a monotone, like he would  
have accepted anything she offered.  
  
Cathy went into the kitchen for the beer. When she returned he was waiting  
for her on the back verandah. He had shed the denim jacket and now leaned  
against the railing. Cathy thought she had never seen a more appealing  
man. She handed him the beer and he took a sip, his eyes never once  
leaving hers. She regarded him over the rim of her beer bottle as she  
drank. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were startling in their  
clarity. He smelled faintly of sandalwood and Cathy found herself leaning  
closer to breathe in the scent, her eyes half-closing in ecstasy.  
  
"Cathy....." his voice was husky.  
  
She stepped closer, setting her beer down on the railing. Ben's barely  
touched beer joined hers. He stood, unmoving, as she placed one hand  
on his chest and slid it up to his shoulder. His arms went around her  
waist and he pressed their bodies together, his mouth seeking hers.   
Ben's mouth was warm and very inviting. It wasn't the nervous kiss they  
had last shared. Cathy realised she had been waiting for this long before  
he appeared on her doorstep with a kitten tucked into his jacket.  
  
"I'd like to take you up on the offer you made last time I was here,"  
Ben whispered into her ear. His simple statement held no trace of the  
self-consciousness Cathy had come to expect from him. Her lips curled  
into a smile.  
  
"I'd like that." He kissed her again.  
  
  
A while later Cathy checked that Laura was safely inside the house.   
She then led Ben by the hand up the long sweep of stairs that led to  
the upper floor. He paused on the way up, noticing three small photographs  
on the wall that ran along the stairs.  
  
"My parents," she answered his unasked question. "I plan  
to make this wall into a giant photo album."  
  
He nodded and followed Cathy up the stairs.  
  
In the bedroom Cathy lit several candles and turned to Ben, who stood  
stock still with his hands hanging by his sides. She wondered if he  
was as nervous as she was.  
  
"You.....you look....beautiful....," he said in a low, gentle  
voice.  
  
"Thank you." Cathy smiled and moved towards him again.  
  
Ben made a low groan and pulled her into a tight embrace. She couldn't  
believe this was the same man who had run from her home terrified a month  
before. He stepped back. Cathy helped him pull his t-shirt over his  
head and then removed her own. Ben looked at her, a flush showing on  
his chest. _'Oh my god, he is the sexiest man I have ever seen'_ Cathy  
thought to as she looked at him. She reached for the waistband of his  
jeans and his hand covered hers, stilling her movements.  
  
His expression was serious. "I've never done this before."  
  
Cathy looked up at the beautiful vision before her, not quite believing  
what she had heard. "You've never.....?"  
  
Ben shook his head.  
  
The two of them looked at each other for what seemed like an age. Slowly  
they began to smile at each other.  
  
Cathy grinned lewdly. "Then I have a lot to teach you."  
  
"I'm a fast learner," Ben replied, equally as lewdly.  
  
Cathy reached for him again and the lessons began.  
  
  
"Oh my," Ben sighed as he rolled onto his back.  
  
"Mmmmm," Cathy hummed in reply, snuggling into the crook of  
his arm. He was a **good** student.  
  
"Oh my," he said again.  
  
"Are you OK?" Cathy planted a kiss on his chest and smiled  
up at him.  
  
"I'm ......a little......overcome....."  
  
She chuckled. "I'm not surprised." She was a little overcome  
herself.  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
"You gotta be somewhere?" Cathy asked, leaning up on one elbow  
and tracing circles on his chest.  
  
"Be somewhere? Oh, no, I just wondered what time it is. I seem  
to have misplaced my watch."  
  
She rolled over and checked her watch on the chest by the bed, then rolled  
back against Ben. "It's 10 o'clock. Do you have to go?"  
  
He smiled and ran one finger down the side of her face. He began to  
sing, "Throw my ticket out the window, throw my suitcase out there  
too. Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them any more, cos  
tonight I'll be staying here with you."  
  
"Oh my," Cathy whispered as Ben pulled her down for a long,  
soul reaching kiss.  
  
  
Cathy peered into the fridge looking for something tasty to feed her  
new lover. It was well past midnight and neither of them had eaten dinner.  
They were both ravenous. She shut the fridge and reached for the bread  
bin. Sandwiches would have to do.  
  
Ben watched her intently from the other side of the kitchen, taking in  
every move she made. Unable to resist any longer, he reached over and  
pulled her to him. Nearly a foot shorter than Ben, Cathy's head tucked  
neatly under his chin as she fitted herself against him.  
  
"Mmmmmm," she hummed, rubbing her cheek against his bare chest.  
  
Ben chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "You remind me of  
a cat."  
  
"A cat?" She looked up at him with wide eyes. He kissed her.  
  
"You move like a cat. You purr like a cat. All you need is a tail."  
  
Cathy gave a throaty laugh. "Well, Ben, that's because I was a cat  
in a previous life."  
  
"Oh," he said, before kissing her again. Eventually he continued,  
"Cathy the cat. That's what I'll call you. Cat."  
  
Cathy the Cat rubbed her feline-like body against him to show she approved  
of her new name. Ben kissed her again, then lowered her to the kitchen  
floor. The sandwiches would have to wait.  
  
  
  
"So you two were an item after that?" Ray put his knife and  
fork down and leaned back in his chair.  
  
"We were in love." Cat smiled, remembering those heady days  
of her youth.  
  
"Did it last long?" Ray asked, his voice mellow.  
  
"Almost two years. Then things changed."  
  
"Victoria?"  
  
"No that happened a long time later." Cat sighed and looked  
at her empty plate. "There was so much out there that I wanted  
to experience......it was me.....I broke up with Ben. "  
  
"You?"  
  
Cat fixed Ray with a sardonic stare. "Put it this way, Ray. Can  
you count all your lovers since you were 21 on one hand?"  
  
Ray snorted. "No." He nodded his understanding. "But Benny  
can?"  
  
"Exactly. I was 22. I wanted more. The world was suddenly full  
of good looking guys and I wanted them all. Any Ben, conveniently, was  
about to take a posting elsewhere."  
  
Ray shook his head. "Half the women in Chicago would think you're  
nuts dumping Fraser for some other guy."  
  
"I didn't dump him, Ray. Ben wanted something I couldn't give.  
I wanted something he couldn't give. I wasn't going to lie to him."  
Cat grinned. "And it was guys....plural."  
  
Ray chuckled in surprise. "And you stayed friends?"  
  
"More than friends. I know you're Catholic and you probably don't  
agree, but what Ben and I share goes beyond the present. He and I have  
been through other lives together."  
  
"Yeah, I've heard him talk about stuff like that before." A  
smile curled the corners of Ray's mouth, "and for the record, I'm  
not a practising Catholic." They smiled at each other and Ray continued,  
"So after you and Fraser broke up, what happened?"  
  
Cat thought about Phil and all she knew and closed her eyes briefly before  
speaking. "He met other women, had other romances....." She  
trailed off, hoping her answer was enough.  
  
"And you? There's been no man in your life since Fraser?"  
Ray asked the question casually, like the answer wasn't important. But  
it was. At that moment he wanted to know everything about the woman  
opposite him.  
  
Cat reached across the table and picked up Ray's empty plate, smiling  
all the while. "There have been many men in my life since Ben."  
  
Ray smiled at that, his curiosity aroused. "I mean no-one **special**?"  
  
Cat smiled enigmatically. "Oh, Ray, they're **all** special."  
  
She stood up and took the empty plates into the kitchen. Ray hesitated  
for a second, smiling to himself and then followed her. Cat was playing  
with him and he liked it. This time more than just his curiosity was  
aroused. _'Wonder if there's room for one more?'_ he thought to  
himself as he entered the kitchen.  
  
Cat put the plates down and wheeled around to face him, hearing his voice  
as clearly as if he had spoken aloud.  
  
"You flirting with me, Detective?" she smiled too.  
  
Ray nodded in affirmation. "Yeah," he grinned, "hard as  
I can."  
  
After only a moments hesitation they stepped toward each other. Reaching  
out to cup Cat's face in his hands, he leaned down and kissed her. Cat  
thought it was the sweetest kiss she had ever received.  
  
Ray released her eventually and spoke in a husky voice. "Just so  
you don't misunderstand my intentions."  
  
"Heaven forbid," Cat whispered in reply, then reached up for  
another kiss.  
  
  
Before too long Ray took Cat by the hand and led her upstairs. He paused  
outside his bedroom door and turned to Cat, kissing her quickly.  
  
"It's been too long. I hope I remember what to do."  
  
"I hear it's like riding a bike," she grinned in reply.  
  
Ray laughed low and sexy and said, "I never had a bike."  
  
"We'll improvise," Cat answered. She let Ray pull her into  
his bedroom.  
  
  
  
Cat lay curled in the crook of Ray's arm, her head resting on his chest.  
After all that had happened in the last few days she found herself relishing  
the soothing embrace. It had been months since Cat had lain skin to  
skin with anyone and the sweaty tangle of their limbs was comforting  
to her.  
  
She raised her head and looked at her dozing lover. His face was relaxed  
into a sweet smile and his long dark lashes rested again flushed cheeks.  
Ray had one hand tangled in Cat's hair while the other rested on his  
chest, the long elegant fingers splayed out for her inspection. She  
couldn't believe that the man with whom she had just made love was the  
same man she had met and taken an instant dislike to over a year earlier.  
  
As she watched, Ray's eyes fluttered open and he smiled gently at her.  
Without a word he lifted his hand and pulled her down for a long, slow  
kiss. Neither of them noticed the heavy snowfall outside turning into  
a blizzard.  
  
  
On the other side of town Ben stood at the window of his apartment, dressed  
only in his longjohns. He shivered with cold and bent to retrieve his  
blanket from the bed. Wrapping the blanket around his body, he resumed  
his place by the window, watching the falling snow cover the grubby street  
with its whiteness. The sadness he felt would not leave him and, as  
if to punish himself, he tossed the blanket to the floor, letting the  
goosebumps rise on his skin. He had been cruel to Cat and now he regretted  
it. Dief sat down at his feet and looked up at him. Ben thought he  
saw accusation in the wolf's eyes.  
  
"I don't know why I said what I did," he said to the wolf.  
  
*Woof*  
  
"No, I know she didn't tell me about TJ because she thought she  
was protecting Phil."  
  
*Whine*  
  
"You're right, Dief. Cat has done nothing to hurt me. God knows,  
she's only ever tried to help me. It's Phil who has hurt me the most."  
  
*Woof, woof*  
  
"Of course you don't understand, Diefenbaker. The relationships  
between people are much more complicated than relationships between wolves."  
  
Dief glared at him. Sometimes his human was so thick.  
  
"For you, Diefenbaker, it is simple. You meet a lady wolf, you  
fall in love and that's that. For humans it is much, much more complicated."  
  
Dief regarded his packmate with disdain. To him it looked pretty simple  
for humans too. They meet a nice lady human, fall in love and that's  
that. Dief knew that if his packmate went to the Lavender Woman it would  
be simple with her. She was the right one. But, if his human was going  
to insist that the Lavender Woman had hurt him, then so be it. Dief  
had never met her and he knew his packmate had survived without her for  
many seasons now. So no matter how ridiculous it seemed, he would accept  
his human's explanation.  
  
The Cat Woman was a different story though. He knew her very well and  
he liked visiting her. She was the only one of his human's friends who  
didn't care if he slept on the bed and she always had fresh, tasty food  
for him. Plus, there were the cats. He would miss Sheila and Bella  
if they didn't visit the Cat Woman any more. He wasn't sure what was  
going on with his human any more. This was just another example of his  
strange behaviour of late. Something had to be done.  
  
*Whine. Woof*  
  
Ben looked down at Dief, surprised. He thought the wolf had gone to  
sleep.  
  
"You're right, Dief, I should apologise to Cat. I'll ask Mr Mustafi  
if I can use his phone."  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry, Benton. The blizzard has taken out all the phone lines.  
I'll let you know as soon as the phone is working again."  
  
Ben smiled at the man, stifling his disappointment. "Thank you kindly,  
Mr Mustafi. Goodnight."  
  
He returned to his apartment to be met by Dief, who still looked at him  
with accusing eyes.  
  
"The phones will be working again soon, Diefenbaker. I'll call  
her then."  
  
Dief sighed. _I'll make sure you remember_ he said to himself and  
settled down to sleep.  
  
  
  
The mug of hot chocolate warmed Phil's hands as she sat by the window  
in her bedroom, staring at the snow gathering on the ledge. She took  
a sip and savoured the taste. She'd added sugar this time, not something  
she usually did, but her hangover had left her drained and the sugar  
helped.  
  
She tapped her fingers on the mug, feeling a little restless. What she'd  
told Cat was not true. She wasn't ready to let go of Ben Fraser yet.  
She needed to call Cat and tell her, before Cat told Ben that she did  
not want to see him again. Feeling slightly panicked, she quickly deposited  
her mug on the windowsill and reached for the phone. The line was dead.  
Her heart rose into her throat.  
  
"Oh no!" she said to no one in particular. Chance raised his  
head and looked at her from where he slept on Phil's bed.  
  
She started to pace, growing more anxious by the minute. What if Cat  
has already told Ben? Suddenly a thought struck her, if the phones were  
down Cat couldn't call Ben either. She relaxed and sat back in her armchair,  
gathering her mug again.  
  
After a moments thought, Phil stood up and brought the phone over to  
the windowsill where she could reach it easily. She'd keep checking.  
The phone lines would be working again soon. She'd call Cat then.  
  
  
  
"We're snowed in!" Ray told Cat as he handed her a steaming  
cup of coffee.  
  
"What?" Cat took the coffee and shifted over as Ray got back  
into bed with her.  
  
"Haven't you looked out the window? Phone lines are dead and the  
weather guy on the radio said this is a record snowfall. Been snowing  
all night." He grinned at her. "Guess we didn't notice it."  
  
Cat grinned back. "Guess not."  
  
"So, we're stuck here until the weather settles down enough for  
the snow-plows to come out." Ray's grin grew mischievous. "Any  
idea how we're gonna pass the time?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something."  
  
  
  
Ben waited until 8am before knocking on Mr Mustafi's door. He fervently  
hoped the phone lines had been restored during the night. They were  
still out. With a disappointed sigh he returned to his apartment, ignoring  
Dief's accusing stare. Maybe when the snow eased he would try and make  
it to Ray's house on foot. After all, he had travelled in weather far  
worse in the Yukon.  
  
  
  
Phil put the phone down. She couldn't believe the lines were still out.  
Surely modern technology could find a way around these situations. She  
sighed and sat down on the sofa. No sooner had she settled before Chance  
jumped onto her lap, purring loudly and rubbing his head against her.  
  
"It's a sign, Chance," she said, scratching under his chin.  
"I was right the first time. I never want to hear Ben Fraser's  
name again." Chance rolled onto his back, begging Phil to rub his  
belly. "I don't know why I didn't figure it out earlier. The weather  
stopped me, just as I was about to make a big mistake. That was a close  
one, my precious little ball of fur. Someone up there is looking after  
me." Phil picked Chance up and pressed him against her cheek for  
comfort, wondering why she still felt so low.  
  
  
  
"Cat?"  
  
Cat looked across the lunch hastily pulled together from last night's  
leftovers. This was the first time Ray had used Ben's name for her.  
"Yes?"  
  
"I...I just wanted to check that you're OK with this." He  
gestured from himself to her.  
  
"You and me?" she asked, not sure what Ray was asking.  
  
"Yeah. I mean we never talked and it just sorta happened and I  
don't want to give you the wrong idea.....I mean ....we.....this isn't...."  
Ray blushed wildly.  
  
Cat understood. In her experience men were never comfortable with situations  
like this. She leaned over and squeezed his hand affectionately.  
  
"It's OK, Ray. I'm good at this. We both know this isn't about  
forever, or true love or anything like that. It's just because we both  
need someone. Right now that's all I'm looking for." She could  
feel Ray's body relax through his hand.  
  
Ray shook his head, once again surprised by Cat Madden. "How did  
you and Benny ever think you could have a relationship?"  
  
She shrugged. "We were twenty years old when we met, everything  
was possible then." They laughed together. "Besides, I knew  
I wasn't Ben's destiny. His true love was still to come."  
  
"Victoria?"  
  
Cat screwed up her face. "Hell no. Ben's heart belongs to someone  
else."  
  
Ray's eyes widened and he leaned across the table and spoke in a conspiratorial  
whisper. "You know, last year, when our plane crashed and we were  
stuck in Montana, I heard Fraser call out in his sleep. Sometimes he  
called for you, but he also called out for someone else. I always wondered  
about it. He never said her name. He told me there was a woman in his  
past and that he was sorry he'd broken up with her. He never talks about  
it." Cat stared at him, eyes wide in surprise. "And I guess  
you won't tell me either?"  
  
"No way. I'm sorry, Ray, but that's something Ben will have to  
tell you. But I will tell you this, she was....is.... a very special  
woman. I know he still loves her. " Cat's eyes changed and Ray  
heeded the warning in her voice. "When you meet your soul-mate you'll  
understand."  
  
Ray looked down at his meal again. Cat watched emotions flicker across  
his face. Perhaps he already understood. Perhaps he had already met  
his soul mate. Her intuition told her that there was far more to Ray  
than he was prepared to admit, things that he did not wish to share.  
She let him be and turned her attention back to her meal.  
  
Ray wondered if Ben had told Cat about Casey. He sighed. The very thought  
of Casey brought an ache to his heart. He understood about soul mates  
well enough. There would be no other love for Ray. It seemed both and  
he and Ben were destined to carry the pain of lost love.  
  
Cat looked up at Ray after a while. His prolonged silence surprised  
her, making her wonder anew at what was in his mind. Eventually Ray  
looked at her and the pain in his eyes was clear for Cat to see. Like  
Ben, Ray too nursed a broken heart. Somehow he had lost his soul mate.  
For an all too brief moment Ray let her in enough to know his hurt.   
Cat wondered who the woman was.  
  
"I'm thinking that I'll go home as soon as the airports reopen,"  
Cat said sometime later.  
  
"Home? But I thought you were staying another week?"  
  
"I was, but I think it's time I left. You know, when I originally  
planned this vacation I thought I might just take my sleeping bag and  
tent and not tell anyone where I was going. But instead, someone suggested  
I come to Chicago and it hasn't been the visit I thought it would be."  
Cat made a mental note to say a few choice words to Bob Fraser, should  
he ever be so unwise as to visit her again. After all, this had been  
his idea.  
  
"Maybe you shouldn't go home then," Ray suggested. "Go  
somewhere else." He knew exactly where Cat should go. There was  
only one place to go to heal.  
  
Cat laughed. "Ray the place I need doesn't exist. I want a warm  
bed in the middle of nowhere, with no phones and no one to distract me.  
I want good food, good wine and peace. I want to sleep and I want to  
be alone."  
  
Ray grew excited. "I know just the place."  
  
"You do? Where?" Cat asked suspiciously. Ray did not seem  
the type to know about remote holiday destinations.  
  
"The Edge of the Earth," Ray announced triumphantly.  
  
A tingle ran up Cat's spine and she didn't know why. "The edge of  
the earth?" she asked, frowning.  
  
"No, the 'Edge of the Earth'," Ray replied, adding the quotation  
marks with his fingers, just as Casey had done all that time ago. "You  
know, that place where Benny and I ended up in Montana. He went to stay  
with you afterwards."  
  
"Oh. I remember now. It's called Edge of the Earth?" Ray  
nodded and Cat continued, "Ben never told me that. What was the  
woman's name who took care of you?" Cat paused then continued,   
"I remember, Casey Sinclair."  
  
"Y... yeah," Ray stuttered, thinking how strange it was to  
hear her name from the lips of a woman he had just made love to. "I  
can call."  
  
"Ben said I would like the place. Tell me more about it."  
  
Ray told her all about the time he and Ben spent at Edge of the Earth.  
He told her about Joseph and Emily, about the cabins, the river and even  
how Casey had locked them in the basement until they talked. By the  
time Ray finished, Cat was convinced that a week in this delightful place  
was just the thing she needed to give her the relaxation she sought.  
Cat agreed to allow Ray to call Joseph as soon as the phones were working  
again. A sense of peace settled over her once she made the decision.  
She knew that this final part of her trip would be good for her.  
  
  
  
"Keep your eyes closed," Ray warned Cat as he led her up the  
stairs and into his bedroom later that evening. "OK, you can open  
them."  
  
She did so and sucked in a breath. Every flat surface in the room had  
candles on it and the glow they made in the room was beautiful.  
  
"Oh, Ray..." she whispered.  
  
"There's more."  
  
He took her hand and led her into the bathroom. The tub was full of  
steaming scented water and surrounded by more candles.  
  
"Oh, Ray," she whispered again, tears stinging her eyes.  
  
He smiled a sweet, gentle smile at her and untied the sash of her bathrobe.  
He kissed her gently and pushed the robe from her shoulders.  
  
"Just because you and me aren't about forever, doesn't mean we can't  
make it special," he whispered as he helped her into the tub.  
  
Tears trickled down Cat's cheeks as Ray shed his robe and slid into the  
warm water with her. Her heart filled with tenderness and affection  
as she regarded the naked elegance of Ray Vecchio. Cat realised just  
how much she had underestimated this man. It had been a long, long time  
since a lover's tenderness had made her cry and she wondered if the woman  
who had so obviously broken his heart knew what she was missing.  
  
  
  
"So, tell me about her, Ray." Cat said later, turning onto  
her side and looking at Ray.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The woman you're in love with." Cat watched the flush rise  
on Ray's cheeks.  
  
"How did......What woman?" Ray looked at Cat and then up at  
the ceiling.  
  
"C'mon, Ray....."  
  
Ray turned his head on the pillow and gave her a sad smile. "Am  
I that obvious?"  
  
Cat nodded her head and smiled back.  
  
"I'm sorry, Cat. That's bad isn't it?" Ray's voice was tinged  
with guilt.  
  
"No, Ray," she responded gently.  
  
Ray swallowed and looked away uncomfortably.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Ray looked back up at the ceiling and pillowed his head on his hands.  
"My mother told me it's bad form to talk to the woman in your bed  
about the woman you're in love with."  
  
Cat laughed, deep and throaty. "Your mother told you no such thing."  
  
Ray laughed. "Well, it was something like that." He turned  
his head to look at her again, "Why do you want to know anyway?"  
  
"I thought maybe it was something you might want to talk about.  
You don't have to tell me."  
  
Ray sighed and looked away again. "It just feels kinda....you know....  
funny."  
  
Cat smiled. "Then don't tell me."  
  
Ray was silent for a moment then suddenly leaned up on one elbow. "Her  
name is.... it doesn't matter what her name is. I met her a while ago.  
She had some...some bad things happen to her�." A lump of panic  
rose in Ray's throat as he thought about Casey and all that she had suffered.  
"And we can't .... I can't�.a relationship won't work."  
He averted his eyes from Cat's and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I  
let her down." Ray felt the familiar stab of guilt that always accompanied  
his memories of Casey's ordeal. He had failed her. There was no way  
he could ever make it up to her. "She's moved away now and I don't  
know if I'll ever see her again. I don't know if she'll ever .... ever  
..� let's just say it ain't gonna happen and I'm having problems  
with that."  
  
"Ray...."  
  
"That's all I'm gonna say, it's past." He smiled down at her,  
pushing his pain to the back of his mind. "Besides, I shouldn't  
be talkin' when I've got a beautiful woman in my bed." Ray reached  
for Cat and kissed her with a fierce passion. For the moment, at least,  
he was happier than he had been in a long while. Since the day he walked  
away from the hospital - the day he walked away from his soul mate.  
  
  
  
The next morning the phone lines were restored. Ray placed the call  
to Joseph. Joseph told Ray that Cat was very welcome and he would personally  
collect her from the airport. Cat made a call to the airline and changed  
her flights, then Ray called Joseph again and gave him the details.   
When that was done, they went back to bed.  
  
  
The shrill sound of a cellphone disturbed the stillness of Ray's bedroom.  
Reluctantly he dragged himself away and searched for the source of the  
noise.  
  
"Fucking cellphones," he growled as he found it, switched it  
off, threw it on the floor and turned back to the bed. "Now, where  
were we?"  
  
"About here..." Cat answered as her hand moved across his body.  
  
  
  
Ben put the phone down and smiled faintly at his neighbour. "No  
answer. Thank you kindly for the use of your phone Mr Mustafi."  
  
"Perhaps the Detective's phone is not working yet, Benton."  
  
"You're right, Sir. In fact, I think I'll go over there. It appears  
to have stopped snowing."  
  
  
  
Ben was relieved to see Ray's car in the driveway as he approached the  
house. He wondered how his two friends had fared stuck together alone  
in the same house for two days. He should have been there. Ben shuddered  
to think of the things they must have said to each other. Cat, he knew,  
could handle being snowed in. But Ray was a different story; he simply  
wasn't trained for it. Then there was the matter of his last conversation  
with Cat. He was sick with guilt over the way he had treated his oldest  
friend. At the door he hesitated. What would he say to Cat? Would  
she speak to him? Had he damaged their friendship forever? Ben was  
filled with trepidation as he pressed the doorbell.  
  
  
The ringing of the doorbell finally forced its way into Ray's consciousness.  
He sat up suddenly, pulling the covers off Cat as he did so.  
  
"Shit!" he yelled. "That's the doorbell."  
  
"It's Ben," Cat said calmly as she swung her legs over the  
side of the bed.  
  
"How do you know?" Ray cast his eyes over the floor for something  
to wear.  
  
"Trust me, I know," she answered calmly as she collected her  
clothes from the floor and began to dress.  
  
Ray dragged some clothes from the closet and hastily pulled them. "What  
do we say? What are we gonna tell him? Are we gonna tell him anything?"  
A look of panic crossed Ray's face as the doorbell rang again.  
  
Cat sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her boots on. She turned  
to Ray and smiled. "Ray, Ben knows me inside and out. We won't  
have to tell him anything. He'll know."  
  
"Oh Jesus..." Ray muttered as the doorbell rang a third time.  
  
"Just answer the door, Ray."  
  
Cat nudged Ray towards the door. When he was on his way down the stairs,  
she quickly straightened the bed and tidied the room. She heard Ray  
let Ben in and exchange a greeting as she entered the bathroom to splash  
cold water on her face. When she was satisfied she looked presentable,  
she headed down the stairs to greet her friend.  
  
  
  
Ben watched as Cat walked into the living room. Her cheeks were flushed  
and her features soft. She moved with a soft fluidity that he was all  
too familiar with. What had Cat called it all those years ago? The  
'just-fucked' look. Did she have a man upstairs? Was it TJ? A surge  
of panic hit him. After all, his reaction to TJ's presence in Chicago  
had caused their estrangement in the first place.  
  
"Hello, Ben," Cat said as she approached him.  
  
"Hello, Cat," Ben said in a voice that made her feel his sadness  
and regret.  
  
"I'll go make some coffee," Ray spluttered, aware of Ben and  
Cat's need for some privacy.  
  
Cat's gaze slid from Ben to Ray, who smiled at her tenderly. Ben noticed  
that Ray's face bore the same satisfied softness as Cat's.  
  
"Thanks, Ray," Cat smiled, touching his sleeve gently as he  
left the room.  
  
Ben's eyes widened in surprise. Things had obviously changed in the  
last two days. He would ask Cat about it later, right now they had more  
important things to discuss.  
  
  
"I've come to apologise, Cat, " Ben told her once they were  
alone. "What I said to you was unforgivable."  
  
Cat perched on the arm of the sofa. "Oh, Ben, I don't know what's  
going on with you lately. I thought once Victoria was out of your system  
you'd be back to normal."  
  
He hung his head and turned away from her, too ashamed to meet her eyes.  
  
"I can forgive the things you said to me. I understand that. But  
this business about Phil hurting you is just too much. I don't know  
how you could think that."  
  
Keeping his back to her, Ben whispered in a barely audible voice, "Maybe  
that's the only way I can deal with Phil at the moment."  
  
"Ah, Ben...." she whispered in reply, coming up behind him  
and resting her cheek on his shoulder blade. "You have to do something  
about this. If you have feelings for Phil, for gods sakes own up to  
them. If you tell me you don't care about her, I won't press you. But  
you have to promise to let it go. You can't keep doing this to yourself."  
She hesitated for a moment before continuing, "Or me."  
  
Ben shrugged under her cheek. "You're right, Cat. I've been exceedingly  
selfish about this." He turned and fixed her with a determined  
glare, "I won't mention her again."  
  
Cat backed away and resumed her seat. Ben was being stubborn and she  
didn't have the strength to fight him any more. If he was going to deny  
the fact that he still loved Phil McKenzie, then so be it. After all,  
Phil too had insisted she would never mention Ben's name again. Maybe  
she was wasting her time trying to get them together when they both so  
obviously didn't want it.  
  
Ben waited for Cat's reaction to his assertion that he would never mention  
Phil again. Momentarily flustered when it didn't come, he had expected  
more of her persuasive arguing. She gave up too easily this time. What  
was that about? He sat down next to her. What had happened since her  
saw her last?  
  
"I'm leaving tomorrow night," Cat said eventually, staring  
at her hands.  
  
Ben whipped around, a shocked look on his face. "But you have another  
week."  
  
"I know, but I think it's time I left. I need some time alone."  
  
"Because of me?"  
  
"It's because of a lot of things, Ben." Cat gave him a weary  
smile.  
  
It was true. There were so many things that led to this point - Ben,  
Phil, Lindy, Marchand, even Victoria. A week alone would do her good.  
Her only regret was leaving Ray. The past two days were truly memorable.  
Cat smiled. Ironically, the one person she was sorry to leave was the  
one person she had been reluctant to see in the first place.  
  
"What things? Tell me, Cat." Ben turned sideways and took  
Cat's hand in his.  
  
"Ben....this whole mess started with things that were told me in  
confidence. You've learned a few of those things, but there is more."  
She looked at him with pleading eyes. "Don't press me, Ben. I don't  
want to get into that again."  
  
With perfect timing, Ray called out from the kitchen, "I'm coming  
back. Do I need a gun?"  
  
Ben smiled at Cat and kissed her hand as Ray barrelled into the room,  
bearing a tray laden with coffee cups and cookies.  
  
"I didn't hear any screaming, so I thought it was safe to come back."  
Ray grinned at Cat and Ben on the sofa.  
  
Impeccable timing, Cat thought to herself. She could have kissed him.  
Later she would kiss him.  
  
Ben let go of Cat's hand and watched the exchange of smiles between his  
two closest friends. Why was Cat leaving?  
  
"Benny, I thought the three of us could have dinner at Garibaldi's  
tonight. You know, a farewell dinner what with Cat leaving and all."  
Ben's eyebrows shot up at Ray's use of his name for his friend. Things  
had **really** changed.  
  
Ray misread the look and said, "She didn't tell you? Geez, man,  
I'm sorry."  
  
Recognising Ben's surprise at their new familiarity, Cat spoke up, "No,  
I told him alright. He's a bit surprised."  
  
"So what do you think?" Ray asked eagerly.  
  
Ben and Cat exchanged glances. He liked this new development. Spending  
a night with his two best friends not at each other's throats would be  
a pleasure indeed.  
  
  
Cat's farewell dinner was an enjoyable affair for all concerned. Ben  
was most pleased to see his two friends enjoying each other's company  
so freely. It was a fitting end to Cat's visit.  
  
Cat stepped out of the Riv and hugged Ben goodnight. He said his goodnights  
to Ray and then turned away. Cat watched as Ben disappeared into his  
apartment building. Although they had patched things up, she still felt  
sad for him. He still believed that Phil had hurt him and nothing she  
could say would change his mind. Silently she slid into the car.  
  
"Hey," Ray's voice was gentle. She turned to look at the man  
in the driver's seat. The lights glowing from the Riv's dash softened  
his features. "C'mere," he said, reaching his arm out to pull  
Cat close. She slid across the seat into his embrace. He kissed the  
top of her head. "I'll take care of him," Ray reassured her.  
  
Cat smiled and rested her head on Ray's shoulder. He started the car  
and headed home.  
  
They barely made it inside the front door before Ray was tearing at Cat's  
clothes. They both knew this would be the last night they spent together.  
They left a trail of clothes that went from the top of the stairs to  
Ray's bedroom.  
  
Ray made love with a fierce intensity, as if this might be his last chance  
at passion. Every time Cat was about to drift off into sleep, Ray woke  
her, pulling her close against him and whispering sweet words of Italian  
into her ear. Cat could only guess at the meanings, but the warmth of  
his tone told her all she needed to know. It had been a long time since  
Cat felt this cherished. A part of her mind wondered about how much  
more intense Ray would be if he were saying these words to the women  
that she knew they were meant for.  
  
  
Cat told Ray she had some final shopping to do � a gift for Silvia  
Vecchio. She lied. Her thank you gift for Silvia's hospitality had  
been wrapped and stored in a drawer in her room for a week now. She  
went to Phil McKenzie's apartment.  
  
  
Cat sipped at her coffee and set the cup down. Chance leapt onto her  
lap and demanded she stroke him. Bella's kitten had grown into a fine  
animal and Cat was pleased that he lived with Phil. Phil had already  
expressed her disappointment at Cat's sudden departure, but she understood.  
She didn't like to be away from home for too long either.  
  
Cat looked up from the cat in her lap and held Phil's gaze. "Phil,  
I'll ask you this one more time and then never again. If your answer  
is no I will never mention Ben's ...... " Cat stopped suddenly  
as Phil leapt to her feet and paced around the room.  
  
"Give him my address," Phil said, running her hand through  
her hair nervously.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Give him my address." Phil turned to face Cat, a strange look  
on her face. "Tell him where I am, then we'll see if what you say  
is true. Then I'll know how much he really wants to talk to me."  
  
Cat hadn't meant to make Phil so defensive. But...an opportunity was  
an opportunity and Cat wasn't about to let it pass. "Have you got  
an envelope?" she asked calmly.  
  
"Yes, why?" Phil frowned.  
  
"Give me an envelope, a piece of paper and a pen."  
  
Phil took a BakTrak envelope and letterhead from her desk and handed  
it to Cat. Cat lifted Chance from her lap and leaned over the coffee  
table. She put envelope and paper down and wrote Ben's address on the  
paper, along with the phone number of the Canadian Consulate. She then  
folded the paper in two, put it into the envelope, sealed it and handed  
it triumphantly to Phil.  
  
"This is Ben's address. I'll leave this with you and you can do  
with it what you will."  
  
"Cat," Phil's voice wavered, "don't do this to me."  
  
"If you don't want it, throw it away."  
  
"Cat....that's not fair."  
  
  
Ray dropped Cat and Ben at Departures and went off to park the Riv.   
They took Cat's bags inside and checked in her luggage, then waited in  
a coffeeshop for Ray to join them. This was the first time they had  
been alone since the previous afternoon when Cat had announced she was  
leaving. Now was the time for Ben to raise what had been on his mind  
since then.  
  
"So you and Ray......?" Ben asked, gesturing with his hands  
and not looking at Cat.  
  
"Yes, Ben. Me and Ray......." Cat copied Ben's hand gestures.  
  
Ben nodded his understanding and cast his eyes around the airport so  
he didn't have to make eye contact. Discussing Cat's love life made  
him uncomfortable.  
  
"And is this something that is likely to continue?"  
  
Cat tried to keep the smile from her voice. "No, Ben."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
Cat sighed and looked at her friend. "This is one of those times  
when two people need someone.... you know how it is..... sometimes these  
things happen �.. sometimes people get lonely."  
  
Ben turned to face her. "You know I've never understood that, Cat."  
He took a breath and smiled at her. "But I understand that it works  
for you." He looked away again, embarrassed. "I assume you've  
discussed this with Ray?"  
  
A smile played at Cat's lips. Ben's concern touched her. "Yes,  
we discussed it."  
  
"And Ray feels the same?"  
  
"Ray and I are in complete agreement."  
  
"So you haven't hurt Ray in anyway?"  
  
"No, Ben."  
  
"And you?"  
  
"No, Ben."  
  
"And you both agree?"  
  
"Completely."  
  
Ben nodded, a slight frown on his forehead. "I've never heard you  
mention loneliness before." He turned to face her again, his concern  
visible. "Are you lonely?"  
  
Cat felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. _Did she say  
lonely?_ "Yes....no......maybe. I don't know any more."  
It was Cat's turn to look wildly around the airport lounge. "Something's  
missing and I don't know what it is." _Why was she saying these  
things?  
_  
"I don't mean to interfere, but...perhaps it has something to do  
with your lifestyle." She had had more than her share of lovers,  
something he usually preferred not to dwell upon, but it worried him,  
nonetheless. Ben was embarrassed again. "I mean....maybe you should  
consider having just one man in your life. Perhaps if you settled down  
with the right person....." His voice trailed off when he saw the  
look on Cat's face.  
  
"I was going to say something similar to you," she answered,  
dryly. "Perhaps **you** should settle down with the right person."  
  
Ben looked back at her, clearly surprised at the suggestion. She reached  
into her bag for the envelope she had placed there earlier and handed  
it to Ben, who took it from her gingerly.  
  
He turned it over in his hands. "What's this?"  
  
"Phil's address and phone number." She watched, blank-faced,  
as Ben's jaw dropped. "She told me to give it to you."  
  
Ben's heart missed a beat. For a moment he was happier than he had been  
in a long time. Here was his chance. With a frown he pushed the thought  
from his mind. He still had to do all the work, why wasn't Phil coming  
to him?  
  
He held the envelope out to Cat. "No!"  
  
"If you don't want it, throw it away."  
  
"That's not fair, Cat."  
  
"You've got to end this somehow. Ben. Either you throw that envelope  
away and never think of Phil McKenzie again, or you call her, write her,  
whatever. But you have to deal with it. End this somehow, Ben."  
Cat's voice took on a serious note, "For the sake of your sanity."  
  
Before Ben could protest further, Ray appeared. "Sorry I was gone  
so long, I had to park in the next state." Ray expleted as he joined  
them at the table.  
  
Ben quickly tucked the envelope into the pocket of his jacket.  
  
  
  
When the boarding call for Cat's flight was announced, Ben looked at  
Ray and Cat and stepped away.  
  
"I'll just check on Diefenbaker...." He cleared his throat  
self-consciously and then turned away, walking a short distance from  
them.  
  
Cat turned to Ray and smiled warmly. "Ray....."  
  
"Hey, don't get all mushy on me." He cut her off, grinning.  
  
She shook her head, still smiling. "Are you the same man I made  
love with last night?"  
  
A sheepish grin spread across Ray's face, making his eyes twinkle. "That  
was different. I wanted to say goodbye properly."  
  
They both laughed and stepped wordlessly into a tight embrace.  
  
"I'm not good at this," Ray said into Cat's hair. "I  
don't know what to say."  
  
Cat squeezed him gently and then pulled back to look into Ray's hazel  
eyes. "It's OK, Ray. We said all we needed to say last night."  
  
"Yeah.....I guess so." Ray shuffled nervously and scratched  
at his head. "I won't forget this."  
  
"Me either," Cat said softly, reaching for Ray's hands.  
  
He smiled softly in reply. The sadness that Cat had never noticed until  
a few days ago was clear in Ray's eyes. She kissed his cheek.  
  
"Ray, I know you don't want to talk about this woman in your past,  
but something tells me it's unfinished business. If you love her, don't  
let the past get in your way."  
  
Ray cleared his throat. "It's not that simple, Cat......"  
  
Cat held up her hand to stop him. "It is. Think about it."  
She deftly changed the subject. "Maybe you should take a trip up  
to Canada some time. You're always welcome. I've got a big house."  
  
Ray grinned. "Maybe I'll do that."  
  
They smiled at each other then together they walked to where Ben waited  
for them. Discreetly, Ray held back, allowing Ben the same privacy he  
had shown a moment earlier.  
  
Cat stepped towards Ben and he opened his arms to her. She stepped into  
his embrace and they held each other for several long minutes. As she  
pulled away, Cat patted at his jacket, where she knew the envelope containing  
Phil's address was secreted.  
  
"Call her, Ben."  
  
"I can't do that."  
  
"So that's your final word?"  
  
Ben nodded. Cat sighed, her resignation resonating. The two friends  
stared at each other for a long, silent moment.  
  
"I hope you find what you're looking for at Edge of the Earth,"  
Ben said gently.  
  
Cat flinched. It seemed an odd thing for Ben to say. Plus, his words  
had a strangely familiar ring to them. She cocked her head to one side  
and frowned. "What do you mean, Ben?"  
  
Ben gave an embarrassed shrug. "Well, you seem to be so worried  
about something......then you said you were lonely....." He looked  
at his hands. "I don't know how to help you any more."  
  
"Call Phil," Cat stated firmly.  
  
"I can't, Cat."  
  
She took a deep breath then let it out slowly. "Then I don't want  
to talk about Phil with you any more."  
  
Ben looked at her, clearly shocked. Before Cat could reaffirm her words,  
the final boarding call for her flight was heard. Ray and Ben accompanied  
her to the final gate. After final farewells and hugs, Cat turned and  
walked through the doorway that would take her to her plane. She stopped  
and turned to face both men, now both lovers. Staring at them one last  
time the thing that struck Cat the most was that they were both lonely.  
  
  
Cat stared out the window as the plane carried her away from Chicago.  
A flutter of excitement rippled through her belly and, just for a moment,  
she wondered where it came from. She dismissed the thought as the plane  
levelled out and the captain's voice told the passengers they could remove  
their seatbelts.  
  
She reached under the seat in front of her, where she had placed her  
small pack. She drew a novel from its depths and opened it to her bookmark.  
After five minutes, she slammed the book shut. Barbara Kingsolver was  
her favourite author, but this book was too close to home. The main  
character had returned to her hometown and by chance met up with her  
childhood sweetheart; man who was unaware of the child he had fathered  
when they were both teenagers. Now, many years later, with the child  
long dead, the couple had a second chance at a relationship. Only the  
woman's stubbornness and fear stopped them from healing their loneliness.  
Cat jammed the book back into her pack. She tried to fill her mind with  
something else. Unbidden, a question Ben asked at the airport came back  
to her.  
  
"Are you lonely, Cat?"  
  
Why had he asked her that? Why had she said she was lonely? She wasn't  
the lonely one. Ben was lonely, Phil was lonely and now it seemed that  
perhaps Ray, too, was lonely. And, like the woman in the book she was  
reading, all three were letting fear and stubbornness keep them away  
from their chance at happiness.  
  
She let out a huff and yanked her headphones out of the seat pocket.  
Why was she even thinking about it? All three of her friends had made  
it clear they didn't want her to interfere. With a sigh of frustration,  
Cat plugged in her headphones and searched for something to listen to  
\- something that would stop her mind from working. She found a soft  
rock station. Cat closed her eyes and leaned back against the seat.  
It was time to let fate deal to her friends whatever it chose.  
  
Cat watched the clouds as they passed her window, letting the soft strains  
of music in her ears lull her into a gentle peace. She found herself  
humming along.  
  
"There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness. Bare feet like a tomboy  
and a crooked smile�." The voice in her ear sang.  
  
Cat's attention picked up. It sounded like the song was describing Phil.  
For a moment her mind was full of an image of the other woman. She  
could see Phil exactly as the song said.  
  
"There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness. Truth, beauty and a picture  
of you�"  
  
Cat's eyes widened and something in her relaxed. Suddenly, the worry  
she had felt for months fell away. She was trying too hard. She knew  
what to do. Nothing. It was clear to her that Ben and Phil still loved  
each other. Perhaps all she needed to do was let nature take its course.  
Each now knew where the other was. Maybe if she left them alone they  
would find their own way back to each other. After all, Cat knew from  
experience that, like the song said � there's no aphrodisiac like  
loneliness.  
  
  
All comments welcome at  
  
 ****Nothing Lasts Forever (Book 2 of the Ben and Phil Saga)  
  
1.Nothing Lasts Forever  
2.Of Second Chances by Carol Trendall  
3.Winter in America is Cold by Carol Trendall  
4.Lavender Memories  
5.Distractions by Carol Trendall  
6.No Aphrodisiac by Carol Trendall  
7.Life's Insanity by Carol Trendall  
8.Standing on the Edge by Carol Trendall  
9.Of Past Regret and Future Fear by Carol Trendall  
10.A Summoning of Things Past  
11.Three Parts Dead  
12.A Job Well Done  
13.Touchstones of Character  
14.But For the Night  
15.Tangled Webs  
16.Suspicions  
17.Chasms of the Mind (with Carol Trendall)  
18.Outskirts by Carol Trendall  
  



End file.
